Martyr's Love (GXG)

Chapter Fifty

I step out of the car... Hoping and wishing nothing will happen.. My heart is pounding.. As the passed memories were sinking into my mind. Kinakabahan ako na hindi ko maintindihan. Pakiramdam ko any moment may mangyayaring hindi maganda.. Agad kong ginala ang paningin ko.. Pinag masdan ang paligid. but it is just a normal day in the airport.

Mahigit isang taon na ang lumipas nung ng yari ang aksidente.. Pero ewan ko ba.. Bakit ako kinakabahan at natatakot ng ganito. Tuwing papasok ako ng airport. Pakiramdam ko merong mangyayari.

I guess I'm a little bit paranoid.

But no one can blame me if feel this way.

It was my first time to see such incident..  Lalo na it involved someone important to me.

Bigla akong natigilan sa thought na yun.

I feel sad.. Or should I say I feel hurt.

I take a deep sighed trying to erase the thought.

Not now. I should stop thinking about it. 

I should stop thingking about her.

"Hey Cassy ano pang hinihintay mo?" Tanong sa akin ni Jam habang nakatayo ito sa harap ko. Pulling me backt to reality.

"Wala pa ba si Raffy?" as I try to change the topic and keep the thoughts at the back of my head.

"She said she's coming. For sure she will not miss this chance to see you before you leave."

"I hope so." pinilit kong ngumiti sa harap niya even though I feel sad not having Raffy around.

Mula nung araw na pumunta kami sa school.. Mula nung araw when she kiss me for the first time. Things seems to be awkward between us. I tried not to be because no matter what she's my best friend.  But I think siya mismo ang lumalayo sa akin. I barely see her.. Madalas ay nag lalagi ito sa bar na pag mamay ari niya. Making herself busy on her business.

Ito ang isa sa mga bagay na ikinatakot ko.. Yung mangyari ang ganito. Raffy is important to me .. too important at ayoko siyang mawala ulit sa akin.. Sa buhay ko. She is someone I want to keep for the rest of my life.

Pero ayoko siyang paasahin sa isang bagay na alam kong hindi ako sigurado. Sabagay na alam kong masasaktan ko lang siya lalo.

That kiss made my heart pound in a different way.. That kiss is like a key into something. It made me realized that I love Raffy.. I love her.. I love her more than being my best friend.. She have this space in my heart.. She occupied a space in my heart. But even though she did.. A bigger part of it owned by someone I can't have. The reason why I don't want entertain the feelings that starting to bloom for her. She don't deserve it. She doesn't deserve me. She doesn't deserve little things. she deserve something bigger.... something I can't give her.

"I guess she's not coming." Sabi  ko as I stand mula sa upuan as I check my wrist watch. Napabuntong hininga ako ng makita kong oras na para mag check in ng bagage ko.

I feel sad kasi umaasa ako na kahit ngayon lang makita ko siya. Coz right now I need her more than anything else... More than anyone else. But I am not mad at her.. I understand her.. 

"I have to go." Yun na lang ang nasabi ko. As  I took my bag.

nakita kong tumango si Jam. Maybe just like me alam niyang hindi na nga susunod pa si Raffy.

"Have a safe flight. Message me pag dating mo dun."

I smile and nod as a response.

Saka tuluyan ng naka pasok sa loob ng airport.