Martyr's Love (GXG)

Chapter Thirty-One

Alam mo yung feeling na everything is falling.. Everything is dark.. I feel lifeless... I feel like I can no longer breath... And every time I tried my heart is breaking... I feel like there is this sharp knife pointed in my heart. I feel miserable. I feel empty.

My mind questions everything. My mind is full of question why. Why did she left me? Why did she left without a word? Why did she have to do this to me?

"I love you babe.. Ikaw lang. Promise." It was the last words she had told me.. The last word I heard from her. And those are the words that break me every time I remember

Tears keep on falling from my eyes.. I am hurting.. Hurting so bad. Bakit kailangan akong iwan ng taong mahal ko.. Bakit lagi na lang akong na sasaktan. D@mn! Ang sakit sakit...

"Tama na yan Andy." Narinig kong sabi sabay kuha nung boteng hawak ko.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at pinilit kong kuhain ulit yun bote. Pero inilayo niya ito. "Give it back to me Cassy." Mahina pero may diin kong sabi.

"No." She said "uuwi na tayo." She take her wallet and give her card after a minute. Inakay na niya ako palabas ng bar.

Tahimik lang kami sa sasakyan.  They say silence is peaceful... but d@mn it hurts.. being in this silence ramdam na ramdam ko yung sakit, every second.

"Bakit Cassy?"I murmur as tears starts to fall from my eyes "bakit niya ako iniwan?" Napahilamos ako ng mukha ko trying to wipe the tears away. 

"Hindi ko alam Andy." Narinig kong sagot niya "pero ang alam ko lang.. Hindi ka dapat nag kakaganito.." Hininto nito ang sasakyan at humarap sa akin "it's almost a month since she left.. But look at you Andy.. You look wasted.. Sa tingin mo kung andito siya matutuwa siya sa nakikita niya?"

"Wala siya Cassy! Wala! Iniwan niya ako! So why should I care?!" Halos pa sigaw kong sabi.

"Sa atin dalawa..You should have known better.. Mahal ka niya Andy.. And for sure may rason siya kung bakit siya umalis.. " then she start to drive again. I should have known bertter? D@mn I know.. pero hindi ko maintindihan.. wala akong maisip na rason.. kung bakit niya ako iniwan... kung bakit siya nawala. I look outside the window. Trying to keep e tears to be seen by Cassy. "gather yourself Andy.. Fix yourself.. Coz your father is expecting you to handle your business next month. And I bet you don't want to disappoint them."

Right.. My father called me last week.. He wanted me to be involve in our company. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong maging masaya dahil sa wakas na pa sin niya ako. Na meron din pala siyang anak na pangalan ay Andrea. Pero hindi eh.. Wala akong maramdaman kung hindi sakit.. Wala akong maisip kung hindi si Eunice.

Araw araw nasa bar ako. Wala akong pakialam sa lahat ng bagay. I just want to ease the pain. I just want to feel numb.. I am wishing na sana wala na akong maramdaman.. Yung gigising ako sa umaga na wala akong mararamdamang sakit. I wish I can forget.

"Ano ba Andy!" Sigaw ni Cams kaya nagising ako.

At the moment I open my eyes.. I remember everything.. I felt my heart is shattered.. 

"Ang aga aga ang ingay mo Cams." Sabi ko sa kanya sabay talukbong ng kumot. It's too early in the morning to hear a sermon. "I'm sleepy!"

"It's because uminom ka nanaman!" Galit nitong sabi sa akin. "D@mn it Andy! Kung ayaw mong maawa sa sarili mo. Maawa ka naman kay Cassy! Alam mo naman na nag O-ojt na siya di ba? Pero imbes dun siya mag focus eh hindi dahil iniintindi ka niya!"

I took the blanket off me and look at her. "I never ask her to do it!"

"Andy..."

"I never ask her na gawin niya yun... Kung napapagod na siya... Iwan niya na ako! Iwan niyo na akong lahat!"

Tila gulat na naka tingin sa akin si Cams.

"You can leave." Sabi ko sabay balik sa pag kakahiga.

But she didn't leave bagkus naramdaman kong niyakap niya ako.

"I know you're hurting... pero please Andy... tama na."  I know she's crying.. I hear her sob at hindi ko din mapigilan yung luha na gustong bumagsak. "Ayokong nakikita kang nasasaktan ng ganito."

"Ma'am same order po ba?" Tanong sa akin nung bartender when I sit on one of the stool of the counter.

Tumango lang ako.

After few second a glass landed in front of me. I'm playing with it.... puting my finger and making a circle on the rim of it. Until I felt a hand on my shoulder. Kaya agad akong napatingin sa direksyon niya. 

"Andy Sandoval right?" may pag ka flirty nitong sabi.. 

I didn't say anything and put back my atensyon to my drink...

"Wow.. snob.. I like that." I heard her say at lalo siyang dumikit sa akin. I felt her front on my arms habang yung daliri niya is playing with the the other side of my shoulder. 

"Take of you filthy hand on her!" maingay sa loob ng bar pero rinig ko ang inis sa boses ng mayari ng tinig na yun.  I look at her.

"Sino ka ba huh?" pag tataray naman ni ms. flirty.

"Wala kang pakialam! Give yourself a favor.. stay away from here." sabay waksi dun sa kamay na naka patong sa balikat ko.

"Stop it Cassy.." pag pipigil ko sa kanya tapos tumingin ako sa kanya "Go home. Meron ka pang pasok bukas." saka muling ibinaling ang tingin sa iniinom ko.

"Paano ba yan girl pinapauwi ka na.. shuu!"

"No Andy! I will not leave you with this flirt!"

I look at the girl beside me. "Miss I don't know you so please stay away from me." cold kong sabi saka tinawag yung bartender at huming ulit ng drink. 

"Heard her girl?" mataray na sabi ni Cassy "Get lost."

At mukhang napikon naman yung babae at mabilis na umalis sa pwesto namin.

"Come on Andy.. Let's go home." aya niya.

"Mauna ka." sabi ko. "You have work tomorrow so better leave me ALONE!" 

"You are hurt... you are sad and you are lost. I understand.. you have the right to feel it. Kasi ikaw yan.. But I will stay here.. I'll be here for you habang sinusubsob mo ang sarili mo sa alak. I will seat here while you want stay in silence.. while hearing these loud music around us. I am willing to pay for all you drinks every night... I don't mind Andy.. I will be here for you... I'll just be here for you until you found yourself back.. until you finally want to move forward.. Andy I will always be here for you." 

I look at her. And as I met her gaze she weakly smile at me.

"Umalis ka na." I said sabay baling ulit sa hawak kong baso. I just don't want anybody else.. I just don't want to hear anything.. I don't need their pity.. I want answers to all the question I have in my mind.. I want to find reason.. 

I don't know exactly what's going on right now.. All I know is that I am drunk.. but still, some how I can manage to walk.. I can still walk out from this bar to my car. But it was fast as the speed of light when I felt someone push me forcely. And when I look back my eye got widen.. through my very eyes I saw her.. her body got bump on a car. 

"Cassy.." pabulong kong sabi parang hindi pa ako makapaniwala sa nakita. Until it sink down to my mind. Si Cassy.... na bangga si Cassy..  "CASSY!!" Sigaw ko.

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ilashu guys!