Dear Crush! | A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction |

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The sun was shining bright.

The brilliant yellow of the sun covered Evan's room in a warm layer of colours, brightening his room. Every inch of his room had been covered with the warmth of the sign, clearing away the signs of cold, the cool colours of blue from the dark night.

The birds flew by outside, singing and cheering beautifully as they flew by, eager to search for food to return to their nests to feed their chicks.

Despicable.

Evan tasted disgust in his mouth, absolutely detesting the bright colour of the sun shining through his room. The warmth against his skin, the singing of birds. All of it seem to mock Evan and his feelings. He did not sleep well. In fact, he was deep in thought, to the point he could not properly sleep at all.

He kept recollecting the horrible events of the past night, over and over in his mind. He kept thinking about the entire situation, devastated to be trapped in this constant loop. He would stare at the ceiling, thinking about his actions as he felt the dark night consume him.

He thought about his tone, how it was too aggressive for someone like him. He thought his words, how easily he surrendered to Connor's suggestion. He thought about how aggreovated he had been towards Connor. Connor did not deserve Evan's harsh words. Why should anyone be forced to suffer harsh words?

The thought of Connor being heartbroken over his words made his heart absolutely shatter. He knew that it was technically his own decision, and yet, he could not help to think that, maybe he actually wanted to be away.

That thought scared him.

To recognise that he may have wanted to shy away from Connor. He subconsciously felt that he may have only fallen in love with Connor because he showed Evan affections. That skyrocketed his heart rate, causing him to feel a sense of panic. He could feel a slight tinge of uncomfortablility, as his heart pounded against his chest.

It was the strangest feeling to Evan. He felt his heart racing, and yet he did not feel any strong sense of panicking. It was like panicking and unable to control it, and yet it did not feel as if it was difficult to control.

Evan would focus back on the ceiling to control this uncomfortable feeling, only to realise that the originally dark ceiling with lines of shadow from the window frame blocking the moonlight imprinting on the walls change into bright yellow hue with a darker shadow shining on the window frame. The fluttering of curtains from the dreadfully cool wind being silenced by the warm morning, setting his cool skin ablaze.

He would instead focus on the wall and not the colour, subtly controlling his breathing once more.

He sat up in his bed, with a head of messy hair. He had bags under his eyes, radiant from the few nights of unrest. Tired, he brushed his hand through his hair, attempting to try something that would wake him a bit. Instead, he brushed his hand through his hair and moved to the base, scratching his neck.

He yawned, stretching his hands out and noticing the tears in his eyes from the yawn blurring his vision slightly. He then gripped the soft blanket, throwing it off himself as he turned towards the door, placing his feet onto the warm floor.

He stood himself up, slowly dragging himself towards the door while contemplating his future actions. He gripped on the door knob, pausing slightly.

Maybe he should talk to Connor?

He should be able to work this out with him…

…right?

He turned the knob, pulling the door and seeing his mother once again rushing about. She glanced in his general direction, and immediately her expression of worry was obvious. She walked over to Evan, absolutely tense. She held onto Evan's face, turning it towards the left hand the right.