Dear Crush! | A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction |

Heidi's Lament

Evan and Jared had heard Heidi's call clearly, and they both switched off the light of the room to walk out to the dining room.

On the table, Heidi had set a few dishes down already. She has recently found a new recipe for some dishes for stir-fried minced meat, with scrambled eggs. She called for them to wash their hands, and soon began their dinner. During dinner, Jared had been the leader for conversation. The table was lively, all three laughing and talking about events of the past. Jared would bring up the many times in the past when they had to play together, which was ironic, since Jared would often tease Evan as a child.

It was during this moment when Evan noticed something peculiar. He was laughing to a joke Jared had spoken, which caused him to be conscious of how his face was. He calmed his laughter quickly, noticing that Heidi had been a little bit different in her gestures.

Heidi's actions were subtle, difficult to detect and pick up. Evan noticed that her kind, unwavering smile had been slightly contorted. The amount of effort that kept her radiant smile should have been exactly zero, and yet, he could tell that it was forced. Almost, heavily so. The weight she used to stab into the plate of food had also been subtly heavier, yet still maintaining the grace and elegance.

Evan felt himself starting to cave under that recognition of Heidi's mild anger. Wherever it came from, the last thing he wanted to know was that it managed to break his mother's patience. Heidi had been the one who had been unrealistically optimistic, giving Evan a strong hope in his life. He unconsciously gave her this role of being his hope, since he had no way of creating his own.

All throughout dinner, Evan had been eyeing Heidi. He tried his best to observe her, deducing what she had been feeling internally through her actions. Jared had been oblivious to this, as he continued to tell jokes to Heidi. She laughed along to Jared's jokes heartily, Evan quietly doing the same. Jared had also briefly brought up the picnic, which Heidi delightfully agreed.

After the food had been finished, Jared had to leave for the day. Evan and Heidi stood at the entrance, waving him goodbye. Jared waved back, a grin on his face as he walked away.

The moment Jared had been far enough away, Heidi quietly shut the front door. The sudden silence of the house dragged Evan into the realm of curiosity, sprinkled with a tinge of fear. He had almost forgot about the subtle moments of Heidi's mild anger, buried amidst Jared's jokes. Evan raised his head slightly, his eyes slowly switching from the door to Heidi. Before his eyes could reach Heidi, she had already turned around and walked away.

Evan turned about slowly, feeling his shoulders tense up, unconsciously. He took a deep breath, allowing his shoulders to slump before he turned around to face Heidi. Once again, the subtlety in her actions surfaced clearly in Evan's eyes. She took heavier steps, and they had been much quicker.

"M-Mom," Evan's voice called out. He had not expected his voice at all, flinching from his own bold move as his voice rang out through the silent house.

Heidi heard Evan's voice and stopped in her track. Her pause almost seem to create more anxiety in Evan to shake off his call, but he stood his ground. She seem to hesitate for a slight moment, before turning around, the forced smile etched onto her face.

"Yes, Evan?"

Evan forced a gulp down, quietly bringing up his suspicions and deductions through her subtle actions. He was never a person who was for confrontation, so the sudden need to confront his own mother over something he had little evidence for. He instinctively felt himself gripping onto the cuff of his shirt, absolutely ridiculing himself for being worried over this situation.

"I-I... did I... um, make you mad?"

Heidi had a strange expression. It was a mix of many different emotions ; anger, fear and shock. Evan could tell just with her expressions that he had been correct, which only confused him further. Evan did not remember ever doing anything that would elicit any hatred from his own mother, let alone to have done anything worthy of hate at all.