Behind Classroom Doors

XLIII- What Really Happened Between Shawn Morgan and Katherine Dyer

Hey, lovelies! Sorry, I missed the weekend, I was on vacation. I'm back now, so vote and comment!

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I wrap my arms around myself in an attempt to keep warm as I wait for Shawn to answer his door. It's the first snow of the season and even though it's barely an inch I hate driving in it. "Livia, come in." He says as he answers the door.

I walk in but leave my coat on, "I just came to talk." I say.

He pauses, "This can wait until after Christmas, Livia."

"No, it can't. Tell me what's going on. Please," I almost plead.

Shawn rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, "When I went to go see my mom she told me something about Katherine." Katherine? All of this has to do with an old fling? "I never told you the whole story."

"What there's more?"

Shawn nods, "A lot more."

I have a million questions but I force myself not to ask them. Instead, I just need to hear him out, "Okay..." I sigh, "Tell me."

Shawn leans back against the wall and looks straight ahead, as if trying to figure out where to start, "After that day when she kissed me we continued to hook up on and off. It didn't mean anything to me because I knew we were just using each other. Then around January, she came to me crying and saying she was pregnant. I didn't know what to do so I went to my mom, she told me to suck it up even if I didn't love her. So that's what I did, Katherine told her parents just about the pregnancy and they were furious. I told her she could stay with me and for a few months it was fine. I didn't know she was abusing drugs or why she would sneak off for long hours. I guess a part of me didn't necessarily care because we weren't in love. Then one day she said she was going to visit her family for the first time since she moved out. She didn't come home until almost three in the morning. There was um..." He takes a moment to gather himself, "There was blood on her pants. I tried to ask what happened but she just kept apologizing to me. She was barely coherent so I took her to the hospital. They wouldn't let me in but they kept asking me what she took. I didn't know how to respond and when they finally let me in she told me she lost the baby."

"Shawn..." I say.

He looks at me with glossed over eyes, "No it's okay. I packed my stuff as soon as we got back. She just kept telling me how her parents were going to take her trust fund away and how pissed off she was. Katherine told me all about her drug addiction and that she knew she needed help. For me it was over, I had no reason to stay so it didn't matter what she said I had to leave. On my way out she threatened to tell the school about us so I resigned and drove down here."

He stops but I know there's more, "What happened when you went to your mom's?"

"She told me that the reason she contacted me was because she never lost the baby. I went over to Katherine's and it's true, Livia, she has a son and the timing fits. Still, I know I can't trust her so I asked for a DNA test." I walk up to Shawn and grab his face so that he is looking at me. "What am I going to do if it's mine?"

"You don't know that it is." I try despite my own feelings towards the situation.

"That's why I left that voicemail. If it is mine I have to be a father, I can't be the person you need me to be." He doesn't understand that no matter what he's always the person I need him to be.

I pull him to me and kiss his lips softly, "We can deal with it then, Shawn.

"Why doesn't that scare you?" He asks, his eyes boring into my own.

I move my hand to the back of his neck, "You've seen nothing but bad when it comes to me. It never scared you away."

"That's because I care about you. "He whispers.

I half-smile, "Exactly."

Suddenly Shawn's demeanor changes and he tenses, "I can't do this to you."

I take a step back, "Do what?"

"I can't keep taking advantage of you, it's not right."

"Since when are you taking advantage of me?" I know it seemed that way when I first met Katherine but it's so much different now.

Shawn responds quickly, "Aren't I? You're my student just like Katherine was."

"No!" I yell, "Do you want to know how I know you're not taking advantage of me?" I point a finger to my chest, "Because you've always given me a choice. When I needed space you gave me space when I needed you you stayed." When he doesn't react I continue, "What about that weekend when I was ready to give you everything I had and you didn't take it? Those are not the actions of someone trying to take advantage of his student." By the time I'm done my breathing is erratic and I'm flustered. How could he say he cares about me one second and then the next try to break things off?

"I can't Livia." His voice almost breaks when he says that to me.

I close the space between us and wait for him to meet my eyes once again, "You are the realest thing in my life, Shawn." I lift up his hand and place it on my chest so he can feel my heartbeat. "Doesn't this feel real to you?"

He pulls his hand away, "I don't know what you expect of us."

"You're not going to be my teacher forever, Shawn."

Shawn looks away, "I just need to know if he's mine." If he really has a son then everything will change. I know that but until then we don't have to think about it.

"So what?" I'm almost afraid to ask. "You don't want to be with me until you know for sure?"

"I think that's best." My stomach drops as he looks up at me and adds, "Maybe not even after. I just need some time to think."

I shake my head and make my way to the door, "While you're at it decide if I'm worth it...I already decided you were."