fivesos one shots

○suicide○ ai

a/n: please don't read this if it triggers you. i obviously chose this specific title to warn people that this one shot was going to be a triggering one. i tried not to make it too graphic or descriptive.

please read at your own risk thank you (:

.....

When I woke up, the scars were still fresh on my reddened wrist. It seemed like only minutes before I was dragging the blade across my skin wordlessly, wincing at the sharpness of the cool metal. It wasn't too much though, I knew the limit.

I just did it because it was my only option. I couldn't find anything else to pick me up from this black hole that I had fallen in. I wasn't Alice in the Wonderland. I was just Alice. And right now, I hadn't fallen into a wonderland. I had fallen into a pit of flames. Something like hell. I just wasn't dead yet.

(a/n: can I just say, that the reference was just something that accidentally slipped out and I actually forgot for a moment that the character's name was alice so that was super smooth af for me LOL. ok sorry continue)

Anyway, after carving my skin, I hadn't just showered and went to sleep in my comfy bed oh no. It doesn't work that way. I usually wake up in a pool of dry blood and mascara on my cheeks...on the bathroom floor. I never made it to bed. I would be too weak and disgusted with myself. I hated the feeling of showering when I had cuts all over my hands anyway.

But why did I cut? Maybe it's because I hated myself. I hated everything that had to do with myself. I didn't have anyone. No one to stand by me or stand up for me. No one to encourage me.

I only had Ashton.

The only boy in this world that actually cared. Cared about my existence and my feelings. Of course, I cared about him equally the same but he was something else. Something I was blessed to have and the only thing I needed to survive.

Unfortunately, he also had the permission to invite himself in whenever he wanted with the spare key. And I hadn't cleaned myself up yet. And so when he opened the bathroom door and found me just waking up, let's just say he wasn't the happiest.

Again.

"That's the third time this week." He whispered hurt evident in his voice as he bent down and gently picked up the blade from next to me. It made my heart shatter all over again and I wanted to hurt myself for hurting him. He didn't deserve a mess like me. I didn't deserve an absolute gem like him.

"I'm sorry." I barely croaked but my voice was hoarse because of all the crying I did the night before.

"Sorry? Is that all you're gonna say now? It seems like you just wait for me everyday to help clean you up now, Alice." His words stung bad but I was to empty to cry anymore. Instead, it was replaced with anger.

"Yeah well what do you want me to do? Beg for forgiveness on my knees?" I snapped and he gave me a surprised look. I never usually snapped back angrily. I usually ended up getting butt hurt and crying my eyes out.

"I want you to stop." He muttered seriously.

"Ashton, this is not something you can just stop." My voice began to rise and I could feel the anger coursing through me slowly.