Drastic Brothers: Secrets

40. Lost in Cofusion

Chapter 40

   Lost in confusion

Jane POV

I feel like half of is missing, it's been days since Chris left and I feel like I'm walking around life dead. The only time I feel content is when Derek is with me or when Justin talks to me. Second thought emerge throughout the days, I catch myself wondering if I only love Chris as a friend. My mind doesn't refrained mate when I are him but best friend or protector. It's rather confusing to wonder what it be like to kiss him because I love Derek. I been more clingy to Derek because when I'm alone my chest starts hurting and all I wanna do is curl up in a ball and cry. Things shouldn't be like this but somehow I feel myself changing. I don't train or feed anymore, I'm never hungry even for blood. It's like my body has gone into a shutting down stage. Nothing is needed and it scares me to the point that I never want to be alone. Smiling and laughing with others isn't the same anymore, everything just seems so unreal to me.

This is the second week of being in bed and waiting for Derek to come cuddle with me and it's driving me insane. I was laying down looking at my ceiling. Chris leaving made vamp so angry she just disappeared in my mind. Every thought now is my own and it's scary not having her insight. It's like running around with no conscious. I'm scared that in the matter of time I will do something that I will regret. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming so different than the girl everyone talks about. I got up and left my room, these thoughts were too depressing for any girl to think about. I went to my thinking spot and sat in front of the lake.

I miss him so much that it kills me knowing he left because of me. I know that my thoughts and my actions are symptoms of someone being far from their mate. I didn't know this until I went to Dr.Ali for help. Her words are still running through my mind. ' The cause for your lack of appetite and depression is due to Chris leaving '

But if I was honest maybe Chris was more important than I ever thought. I missed him and just nothing made me feel happy and content unless it was Justin. Sometimes though it wasn't enough for me. No one could make me feel at ease like Chris, he was my refuge and with him gone, I felt alone surrounded by people. I haven't tried to mind link him, I'm too terrified to be turned away. His rejection or disappointment in me would be too much for me to handle. Why can't I stop thinking of him ?

"Babe it isn't right for you to starve yourself, Christian wouldn't want this " Saxon said behind me.

I must have been too lost in thought to sense him close. Sighing I turned around and gave him a small smile. Even if Chris didn't want me too, I couldn't help it. My body rejected to take any blood or food.

"I'm fine Saxon, what brings you here?" I asked turning back to look at the lake.

"Just checking up on you, making sure you are well my queen" Saxon said.

"I told you not to call me that. I'm just Janet or Jane. Whichever you prefer to call me " I said exasperated. "Did Chris send you? Tell me what you know " I asked.

There was little hope in me, wishing he wanted to know my well being. Even if I didn't feel the bond I loved Chris deeply. He was my best friend and protector so I wanted to know nothing changed. Hoping our friendship wasn't broken was something I desperately craved, some assurance is all I wanted at the moment.

"No. I stayed behind to show my alliance to you" Saxon said.

"Oh " I said looking down.

"But I do updates on the prince to make sure you are well " he added.

Quickly my feelings raised from the information. Chris might have left but he didn't stop caring. Even after his cold attitude to me the day he was leaving, he still cared about me. It made my heart swell at the thought. We stayed in silence a while, I was too lost in my thoughts of Chris. Maybe I gave him less credit than he deserved. I was starting to feel more better.