Drastic Brothers: Secrets

35. Can I forget her?

Chapter 35

Can I forget her?

Derek's POV

"We're not doing this " my wolf growled.

Then I left the room leaving her behind. I was trying to fight my wolf back for control. I knew this wouldn't go on forever but I did feel something for her, I couldn't just leave her. I had promised I wouldn't if I found my mate. I finally regained my control when I was sitting in the back porch.

'Xavier why did you leave her?' I growled irritated.

' We can't be with her like that ' he snarled.

'Why? ' I asked angrily.

'She is innocent. We must do things right. We have mate ' he said.

Mate? Oh right, Emilia. I stayed sitting looking at the sky. Do I love her enough to ignore Emilia. I thought about Jane's smile and her beauty. Her gentle side and care she shows to others. The impressive singing skills she has and stunning personality she has that's like no other. I thought about the moments we shared. All the kisses and times spent alone. The silent words exchanged between us. Honesty and strength and leadership skills. The admiration she brought to herself without even trying. Her obliviousness to others wanting her made me happy. She never let me believe something she didn't believe.She was amazing and perfect on so many levels in my mind. But at the thought of choosing her, I couldn't. I had immense love for her but I didn't think I could ignore Emilia.

I groaned and let my head fall to my knees. I felt like a fucking idiot,just moments ago I been trying to get into her pants like a douche bag. I had no seconds thought about having sex with her and yet I did about being with her. My mom taught me so much better than this and here I was acting like a typical hormonal guy. I got up and decided a run would make things more clear on how I would apologize to Jane.

A simple I'm sorry isn't going to cut it at all and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for what I almost did today. I felt like the worst guy alive. Mom always made me know to respect my mate. Yet here I was about to take advantage of her being a sedux vampire. I know Chris warned me about her sex desires rising and I ignored it. I knew how much loosing a virginity meant to a girl. Mother always told me that a girls first time meant everything to them. Jane was no exception. She deserved the best and I wasn't about to let her settle for less. How could I almost take the most precious thing from her?

'She's was your first love ' my wolf said.

'Yea ' I thought.

After running a bit the northern border a while I decided to head back to my room. I walked in to see her gone. Her scent was gone and I felt so stupid. I must have made her feel hurt by my naive actions. I sat in my bed and knew I needed to see her now.

' Jane ' I mind linked.

I waited a while but nothing. I tried again and she blocked me back. She didn't even reply. She ignored me and it hurt me so much. I hurt her and now I questioned if I ever deserved her at my side. I walked to her room but she wasn't there. Her scent was barely there. She hasn't been here in over a month. I brought her back for the first day only to make her cry. I laid on her bed and felt frustrated with myself. I caused this pain to her and I was never meant to do that. I closed my eyes and wondered if not telling Jane about Justin was fair. She was the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. Everything about her screamed wife material. She was the perfect girl and every guy could realize. I thought back when Justin and Jane were together. My brother loved Jane a lot and they were happy. I could see it in his eyes when she smiled at him. She made him happy and I came between that love. Obviously the attack wasn't my fault. Her memory loss wasn't mine either and I didn't force her at my side. I waited at her side and helped her regain sense of her surroundings. I showed her the love me and my wolf felt for her since the moment we first met. I didn't cheat but yet it feels like that,at times. It wasn't fair that I felt so much guilt for not loving Jane anymore. It's like all of a sudden these horrible thoughts came to me. I groaned and rubbed my face in frustrations.