Drastic Brothers: Secrets

54. Confusion

Chapter 54

Jane POV

It's been weeks now since my kiss with Chris and everyday I crave his company more and more. But even with my sudden attraction to Chris, Justin is still in the back of my mind. I decided to call him once after a few days, just wanting to know how everything was but little did I know there was lots of things I needed to catch up concerning the pack.

Apparently Kieran and his mate were expecting a baby soon. Misty was finally back on speaking terms with Drew but she couldn't forgive him for finally driving me away. I honestly tried to help but I couldn't deny to Misty that when I saw the mistrust in Drew's eyes that it made everything easier to leave. Drew apologized and even though I accepted and he invited me back, I knew that I could never go back. So I declined and tried to explain to Misty, sadly she didn't understand, she was thinking of leaving the pack. She wasn't the same since I left. Out of everyone, she took it the hardest.

She blamed everyone for finally breaking me, and even though I objected, there was truth to it. I was broken. I needed time to heal and no matter how hard I tried to get the courage to go back, I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to be the same person I was before around them. I apologized to Misty countless times but she heard none of my advices to be happy and normal with Drew or speak to the pack. All she ever heard was that I wasn't arriving back home. Then there's Drew and Jason that hardly ever interact with anyone, and even the guys now kept their distance away from one other. No one interacted with one another, everyone acted alone now a days. That alone left me feeling guilty. But Justin helped me realized everyone has their own way to deal with loss.

As the days continued and I kept feeling out of place, Justin's words kept me sane. Talking with Justin everyday became the only thing I looked forward to, it's like he was truly sorry for being careless. He listened and never once judge, in all honesty I knew without a doubt a part of me still had a place in my heart and always will. I think we both became so attached to speaking until late at night that neither one of us wanted to hang up at all. I smiled thinking about our phone calls. They always stayed light and carefree, never turning towards our feelings for each other and I was extremely grateful.

After talking with everyone for what seemed like only seconds with each one individually, things slowly got better. Apparently having a conversations with each one snapped them back to themselves. Things are getting easier, I haven't forgotten all the pain but I'm learning to deal with it. My life here in the vampire estate is good. But everything is so different, I feel lonely and out of place. Everyone tends to stay away from me, Chris is always busy with whatever royals need to do and I'm just here. I'm just living here in the shadows, I didn't expect everyone to take me in and display affection but I didn't expect to be overlooked as if I didn't even exist.

Dinner was the worst I think because it's always so weird. More than half of the time I don't know what to say, and somehow their looks let me know that I wasn't welcomed here. I stopped trying to leave my room after few days of their looks. I became confused for my desire to have Chris's company like no other thing in the world, I couldn't stop thinking about our kiss or his new persona in the castle. It's like they were two parts of him, the one I saw with me and then the other when royals were around. We haven't been alone ever since then and I just couldn't understand. I really did care for him but honeslty I was confused. It made me think about Justin with the way Chris acted. I just couldn't understand how if he could show affection towards me but then act indifferent the next second. I had come here to get my mind off things but just being here made me think way more. Obviously I wasn't thinking about the past but just having thousands of thoughts towards Chris.

Sighing I looked down at the pool, things were supposed to be better not the same. Without thinking I let myself fall inside the pool. I needed time to think. Swimming would get my mind off many things. I let my mind go blank because all these non stop thinking was slowly draining me of myself. I don't think there's ever been a time where I haven't over thought all the events in my life. I needed to change for the better but somehow I couldn't make myself stop thinking. I always over analyzed things and up to this point it's never helped. Chris didn't even seem to acknowledge my existence anymore and apparently the kiss was far from his eyes. I just needed to forget.