Too Young and Blind (High School Hamilton)

Positive

Trigger Warning: Abuse

Maria

I sat, scared, on the cold...very cold toilet. I couldn't help but shake as I stared at the pregnancy test, the positive pregnancy test. I...I-fuck. I knew one thing: I already loved this child, I mean it's weird because they're James's child and I knew I hated that man even though it took me so long to realize he didn't love me, but I don't know, I just...imagine a tiny human who loved me unconditionally? Somebody who truly loves me? I can't imagine something better than that.

I set the test on the sink and got up, a hand on my stomach as I looked into the mirror, "Mommy." I whispered and giggled, turning to my side as if a baby bump would just appear even though I was in the first few stages of pregnancy, "I'm a mommy." I looked down at my stomach, "I'll keep you safe, baby." I whispered and walked out of the bathroom, getting dressed.

Mariiiiii: Can I come over?

Peggle: Sure?

Mariiiiii: Sorry it's out of nowhere I just need advice

Peggle: Nah dude come over!

I sighed, Peggy was so understanding. Now, to text James.

Mari: Hey babe I'm going to go over to Peggy's

I knew what would happen if I didn't tell him where I was going. As I waited anxiously for his response I started adding up months to try and figure out when my baby is due, I was thinking either August or September.

James: NO BOYS NO DRINKING NO BOYS NO DRINKING NO BOYS NO DRINKING NO BOYS NO DRINKING NO BOYS NO DRINKING. Please be  smart alright. I know you will dammit but please be smart. This is really hard for me because I've been a tremendously good person. When I text you you are to answer. Peggy is not and will not ever be more important than me. You better know what you're doing. Please don't ruin us. I know you won't but a reminder never hurt. Around 9:30 text me when you'll home. Have fun. I don't know why I allow this but whatever go. NO BOYS NO DRINKING and I love you.

James: And you're calling me tonight and I'm getting every detail.

Mari: ok

I reread his text and rolled my eyes, was he my boyfriend or third parent? I sighed again but headed to Peggy's. Secretly I'd been talking to her though it was hard with James overprotectiveness, or, I should say, abuse. It's taken me years to realize what James gives me isn't love or any other form of affection, it just plain and simple isn't right, although it took something drastic for me to realize this...and that drastic thing is how this baby was conceived though I'd rather not relive the details. However, I'm scared...too scared to leave him as he could really hurt me if he thought I would.

I arrived at Peggy's and knocked on the door lightly, happy she answered the door and not one of her sisters as I was really bad at talking to other people who I didn't know or wasn't comfortable around, except James that is seeing as if I didn't speak to him he'd do something terrible.

Peggy lead me to her room and we sat on her bed in an awkward silence until she finally asked, "So what's up?" She finally asked when the tension in the room had become too much.

"Well..." I sighed and put a hand on my stomach, "I may or may not be expecting." I said and looked down, afraid of her reaction. People have very specific beliefs regarding pregnancies and teenagers so I didn't want to look up. I mean, by the time I would have this baby I'll have graduated from high school but I'm still worried about people's reactions.

"Do you want a baby?" Peggy asked and I smiled, she sounded genuinely worried and that alleviated my previous fears, "Is James the father? I mean, I'm not saying you'd cheat on him or anything, I'm just wondering."

I nodded, "I want the baby and James is the father." I decided not to worry her with the details of James's and I's relationship. I would deal with James on my own, I'm strong enough to deal with that at least.

"Well, that's great!" Peggy exclaimed happily and I smiled, hugging her tightly as she hugged me back, "I can't wait to meet the little babe! Do you have any name ideas?" She asked and put her hands on my stomach, "Man there's actually a baby in there..."

I giggled and nodded, "Yes there is Pegs. And I was thinking Susan for a girl and Richard for a boy." I just liked the name Susan and Richard was my father's name, he died when I was really little from cancer, his last words were telling me to remain as strong as I've always been. I failed my dad, that much I know, but maybe I can be strong for my child now.

"What if there's more than one?" Peggy asked and I stared at her in shock, I hadn't even thought of that! I couldn't take care of more than one baby, I can get by with one but imagine two! I'd die! Before I could think about it anymore my phone buzzed so I looked at it.

James: Take a picture holding 3 fingers and send it to me now so I can tell you're with Peggy

James: You have five minutes

Quickly while in fear of what would happen if I didn't comply, I took the picture, making sure Peggy was in frame and sent it. Peggy asked what it was about but I didn't answer and waited nervously for James to text me back.

James: We need to talk

James: Like now

James: Who else are you with?

James: ?

James: ?

"I gotta call James," I told Peggy and she nodded understandingly, she probably thought it was about the baby. Now that I think about it, maybe it was? I called him and he picked up instantly, "Hey baby, what did you need to talk about?" I asked cringing at what I'd said but knowing I had to sound affectionate.

"What is this thing I found in your bathroom?" He asked. As suspected, James has broken into my room again. He did this often to 'surprise' me and make sure I hadn't stepped out of line. Guess now he's found the test, I shouldn't have left it out, stupid me.

"Exactly what it looks like..." I responded and moved some hair out of my face shakily as I waited for James's reply.

I heard a shaky intake of breath but we both stopped talking when we heard Peggy, "Hey that a bruise? What? Your baby daddy hitting on you?" She laughed and I forced my own laugh which happens so often it's started to sound natural. James hung up and I told Peggy a fabricated but believable story about running into a hot dog cart. James taught me that lies only work if they sound slightly complicated, detailed, and end up with you embarrassed.

James: What did Peggy say about the bruise on your arm?

Mari: She joked that you hit me

Mari: She obv doesnt know. Maybe she should

James: No she shouldn't.

Mari: k

"I hope it's a girl." Peggy said and smiled while gazing at my stomach, "I mean if they wind up a different gender than they're assigned I wouldn't mind because I have friends like that and I don't mind it really I just like girls more..." She sat up and smiled, "And I'd do her hair!"

I grinned as I thought of something only a best friend could do with my child, "What do you think about being their Godmother?" I asked and Peggy brightened up like I hoped she would.

"Yes! Oh, thank you, Maria!" We laughed and hung out for a while more until James texted me again.

James: Hey babe wanna hang out tonight?

James: IF YOU IGNORE ME I WILL SHOOT YOU AND THEN SHOW UP AT YOUR FUNERAL WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND AS MY DATE IDGAF

Mari: Um wtf?!

Needless to say I left after that to go hang out with James...thankfully he wasn't violent the rest of the night so I didn't have to worry about the baby's safety though he kept telling me if they were a boy they had to be named James but I wasn't going to let that happen.