Masarap Ang Bawal: If Ever

Chapter 51 (Rhum's POV)

Chapter 51

Rhum's POV

Marahan kong binuksan ang pinto ng kwarto ni Zeta.I tiptoed as I get inside the room trying hard not to wake her up.Nang tuluyan akong makalapit sa kama niya ay dahan-dahan ang ginawa kong pag-upo sa gilid ng higaan.

She was hugging her favorite pink pig stuffed toy.Payapa ang kanyang paghinga tanda na mahimbing na nga tulog niya.And I took that chance to savor the moment.

Seth has just left.Hindi na ako makatulog pa ulit.His weary face bothered me too much.Hindi ko na nga lang pinahalata para naman ay hindi na madagdagan ang kanyang stress.Minsan kasi,kapag may hindi magandang nangyayari sa paligid mo,kailangan mo ng breather to survive.Hindi rin nakakatulong iyong halos lahat ng taong nakapalibot sa'yo ay tatanungin ka tungkol sa isyung nangyayari.Nakakapagod ding magkwento ng paulit-ulit at habang ginagawa mo iyon ay paulit-ulit mo ring naalala ang nangyari.Para bang replay nang replay ang nangyayari sa'yo.Nakakapagod iyon.Trust me!

Dahil nga hindi na ako makatulog ay pinuntahan ko na lang si Zeta sa kwarto niya.

I caressed her long jet black hair.She stirred but never woke up.I came closer to kiss her cheeks.I wanted to hug her and cuddle her.But I stopped myself. Kawawa naman kung maistorbo ang tulog ng anak ko.

Anak ko!

Until now,hindi ko lubos maisip na napalaki ko si Zeta. Everytime I get to realize how big she is now ay para akong natatransport pabalik doon sa panahon kung saan panay ang iyak ko dahil miss na miss ko na si Seth.Walang oras na hindi ko siya namimiss.Tapos kapag nakikita ko naman siya sa TV ay naiinis ako.Naglilihi na pala ako nun.

I couldn't help but feel proud of myself for braving the pain and longing.Nang nalaman kong buntis ako ay halo-halo ang naramdaman ko.Saya, dahil magkakaroon na ako ng anak.Lungkot, dahil hindi man lang alam ni Seth na magkakaanak na kami.Awa,dahil kailangan kong magbuntis nang walang asawang nakaalalay.At takot, dahil baka hindi ko mapanindigan ang bagong responsibilidad na pinasok ko.

So far naman ay napanindigan ko naman ang responsibilidad ko until Zeta started getting curious.Nagsimula na siyang magtanong.

I sent her to a prep school in Texas and that's when she saw that instead of Moms fetching her classmates it was their Daddies.Kaya tinanong niya ako kung may daddy ba siya.

"Of course," I said.

"Then where is he?," she asked again.

Iyon na yata ang pinakamahirap na tanong na naibato sa akin.Mula pa sa sarili kong anak.

"He's...he's," hindi ko alam kung anong idudugtong.Should I tell her the truth or should I make up one? Or should I just push the topic away?

"He's working far away," my cousin,Paris, came to my rescue.

"Why?," follow up question ni Zeta which I have already expected knowing her.

"He's working there," sagot ni Paris.

"Why is he working there?," Zeta asked once again.

"He needed money to send you to school and to buy you toys," Paris reasoned.

"Isn't it Mama who's bought me toys?," nagtatakang tanong ni Zeta.

"No,she's not," sagot ni Paris. Zeta was about to ask again when Paris cut her off. "Oh let's watch Moana," aya niya rito which switched the kid's attention right away.

We have never thought about it before.Akala namin one time lang iyon.Pero naging matanong na siya.At first kaya pa naming sagutin.But when she get into details like how did I meet her father,how does he look like,are we married ay nataranta na ako.Her questions came from talking with her friends in school.For a pre-school student,she's too advance for seeking details.Tapos umiiyak pa siya kapag may nakikitang lalaki na may hawak na bata.Nagseself-pity dahil wala raw siyang tatay.