Common past || Markhyuck

.13.

"When you left ... it was very hard for me," I began slowly, drawing some senseless patterns on his chest and belly. Minhyung laid under me and held his hands on my hips. I was feeling strangely, sitting on him with only a sheet wrapped around my crotch. "Some of that may sound childish, but you have to take into account that I was thirteen at that time."

"Easy," Minhyung whispered, shaking my arms in comforting way. "I'm the last person to judge you, Hyuckie. I told you that once. "I sent him a tentative smile. Even if he was right, it was still embarrassing from the perspective of my teenage life.

"The psychologist said that I reacted so strongly and extremely to this situation because I was entering puberty and typical teenage fears were compounded by the loss of a loved one." I shrugged. "If I was older, I would probably have accepted it better. But it ended how it ended. I mean, well... It ended quite badly "I said reluctantly, remembering the first years after the disappearance of Minhyung.

"From the beginning, Hyuck," he whispered, as if he was preparing to hear nothing nice. As if preparing to accept responsibility for all of this.

"Before I start, I just have to tell you something very important," I said, grabbing his hand. He closed his eyelids as if he was waiting for some wordy attack on my part . "I feel bad that you feel guilty for anything," I put my hand on his lips when I saw that he wanted to deny it. "I see it in your eyes, Mark. Whenever you touch me, you have it painted on your face. I beg you, don't deny it. Sure, you left without even saying simple goodbye but you cannot be responsible for the fact that I was ... "I closed my eyes tight, hardly admitting it to myself even after so many years. "... that I am mentally weak. Most people wouldn't take it so badly "I assured him. Minhyung looked at me doubtfully, slowly removing my fingers from his mouth. "I wanted you to know that I do not have any grievance with you about this disappearance and everything what happend next," I assured him not quite honestly. I had a great regret for him that he had been silent for so many years. But now I understand why. I see that he was as helpless as I was. I couldn't add him more troubles in this case. No, if we were about to live together. "But thank you for coming back to me," I whispered, getting ready to utter the next big words. I breathed in. "I can't imagine a further life wthout you," I said simply. "Really. I speak quite honestly now. I know I ... I'm not very good at these things. I can't be romantic, I can't talk nicely about love. Fuck, I can't talk about it at all. "I laughed nervously, aware that Minhyung was constantly watching over my miserable rubbish. "But if I'm supposed to live with someone, spendlife with him... you are this person and..." I broke down, fighting with tears. I started very well. From crying. I was proud of myself. "Damn, I don't think we were even planning to talk about it," I sighed in a trembling voice.

"Come here," Minhyung said suddenly with a warm voice, spreading his arms. "Lie down, it will be more pleasant," he assured and I nodded. I huddled up by his side and the boy wrapped me tight in the duvet. There was a stony silence between us. I had no idea how to start.

"Hm... after your disappearance for a while I hadn't been going to school. I was shocked, I was sad about it, I had no idea what happened. At one point I thought it was my fault. You didn't speak up to me, you didn't call. Nobody told me if something happened. I already knew what exactly I felt to you and that it wasn't something shitty. Then it seemed to me very serious. It seemed to me that I couldn't live in such a way, that an important part of me died and I would never be the same. Now I know, I look at it quite differently, maybe that old thinking seems even funny a bit. But back then that was a tragedy. "

"How long didn't you go to school?" He asked.

"Shortly. About a week. And later it was okay for a while. It really was," I assured. "My mom and  psychologist said that I should go back to some old hobbys. I'm a kid and if I do something I will forget. I didn't forget, but mentally it was much easier. "