on this day.

to my past self.

xxviii. TO MY PAST SELF.

nights aren't as restless
even though they still feel a bit long
and some still carry stains of tears that drown me far out to the sea of my own thoughts
but the floorboards no longer remind me of the ocean
for i do not struggle to leave my room
but instead find myself okay
and comfortable
leaving the sheets that cradled me for some many years

i'm in a state of okay 
where you never fathomed was something to feel 
because okay was never good enough for you
but good was too far out of reach
but i untied myself from the bedpost
that depression knotted for us
and the picture that once hung from the wall
was torn down and turned to embers
for it only brought back the anxiety that dug itself under your nails

my smiles are sincere 
my laughter is infectious 
the future is no longer hazy
and filled with what if's
but clear of happy days

writing this now
it only brings me to heartbreak 
because it only makes me realize 
how sad you used to be 
and how being okay
scared the me that has flourished today.