on this day.

you like boys.

lxiv. YOU LIKE BOYS.

i fell asleep with your name on my tongue

your face appearing in my dreams 
i woke up to a pulse faster than before 
opening my eyes to a new day
but with you still on my mind.

wanting to give you a call 
only to be left straight to voicemail
i ruined everything i already know
but please hear me out when i say.

i wished you liked girls 
girls like me
not one of my friends
who's freckles scatter his face
like the midnight cloudless sky
like the night you told me
there was no hope for us
nothing could ever happen between us
because you like boys
boys like him.

i laughed with others the school day after 
in the corner of math class
as you walked in
hiding my pain by getting
dissatisfying revenge
spitting out
the one thing you thought
you could trust me with.

because you don't like girls 
girls like me
you find your heart beating to the thought of him
falling asleep to his name on your tongue
waking to a new day
him, still lingering your mind.

he found out
scrunched up his face in disgust
you can't like me
i watched from afar as you ran away with
tears leaving a trail behind
i sat with my back against my locker 
thinking about how much better
you'd be with me 

you can like me.

but you don't 
and you can't
because you like boys
you like him
and i can't yell at you
for playing with me
toying with my heart
like a science project.

i'll get over it 
just some stupid crush 
for the only boy i've ever
been close with
that likes boys.

i'll leave you alone 
i've hurt you enough 
and i'll stop wishing
that you liked girls
girls like me
because now you don't
even want to know me.

i've ruined everything 
trying to change you for my
own selfish needs 
you never liked me
not the way i wanted you to
but now you hate me
and still like boys,

i've grown to be okay with that.