on this day.

you say you don't lie much, yet here you are.

lxxxiv. YOU SAY YOU DON'T LIE MUCH,
YET HERE YOU ARE.

you say you don't love him anymore yet when the song he used to sing aloud obnoxiously just to make you smile comes on the radio, your heart sinks into the void of your chest. you say you don't love him anymore but when his name arrives in a conversation or is announced over a television series, you're left choking on your words. you say you don't miss him even though some mornings you wake to the sweatshirt he forgot to pick up hugging your shoulders tighter than your own blanket. you say you don't miss him yet you continue to listen to old voicemails when you are starting to forget what his voice sounds like. you flip through photos, holding old memories you hope you never forget. you lay in bed, reminiscing the times he had kissed your forehead before saying goodnight. you sometimes find yourself getting off the bus on the ride home, standing outside the apartment you once shared, even in the rain. it is then that everything and anything that had led up until this moment forces you on your knees, mocking the shape of the moon. you say you're better off without him but you still cry over what's lost. 

you've never hated being so alone since he left.