on this day.

my mind, my best friend.

lxxx. MY MIND, MY BEST FRIEND.

my mind doesn't know when to quiet down.

at one, she awakes me with her awful crying, telling me how sad she is that the sun dared to rise so quickly. at two, she hopes i don't burn the toast. at three, she laughs at the television, finding enjoyment in things she wishes to be one day. at four, she becomes motivated, demanding that we must do something. start running, you've wanted to do it for a while now. paint this, my god will you do it justice. write until your fingers bleed, i'll tell you when it's good enough. do your laundry, how do you even live like this?

at quarter to five, she yells at me to stop. on the verge of tears, she tells me how exhausted she is. at five, she tells me then would be a nice nap. at six, she skips dinner, midnight snacks are more of her thing. at seven, she binges videos, that's until she grows bored. at eight, she waits until we are ready to find something new to do, whether that's watch more videos or read or write considering she can't handle activities that encourage movement. at nine, we are sat, doing the same as we were at six. at ten, that's when things begin. she doesn't allow me to turn on lights, or even sit up right, she just talks. she talks about the bad, the good, more unfortunately the ugly. at midnight, she invites her friends, loneliness and anxiety. if she get's lucky, depression doesn't decline her offer. anxiety rushes there, not even knocking on the door, but more barged in. he shouts, frantic, pulling at his hair, telling her how everything is wrong, but never fixing it for her. he abuses her, continues to yell for his whole time he spends, making her feel guilty and nothing more than just that. when loneliness arrives, she only mourns. she barely makes it into the front door for she always falls to her knees, not wanting to burden them. they never ask what's wrong, just leaves her in the back of the room, in the cobwebs she always forgets to dust away. depression, anxieties worst nightmare, but my mind's best friend. he sits in between, barely listening to anxieties rants, barely paying any attention to my mind. sometimes, he's ecstatic, walks in with glee and is never afraid to speak for what he needs. that is rare, but it's when my mind likes him best.

at one in the morning, they all begin to speak. anxiety is the one to keep my mind up within the night, always making it till the sun kisses her goodnight. depression awakes her in the earliest of the afternoons, sometimes later, and stays with her until anxiety leaves. loneliness keeps herself tucked away, in the darkest of places no one can see.

all these voices, all these emotions.
they keep me company when i need it the most.

yet most nights,
i wish it was just my mind and me.