on this day.

little nightmares.

lxv. LITTLE NIGHTMARES.

there is a man with rubber hands

black and glossy 
they glow under the dim light coming from the lanterns hanging above 
i run in fear as his heavy footsteps grow closer
i can hear him
he sings my name like a lullaby
one i've heard before
and the bruises between my thighs begin to bleed
my legs giving out with each push off the cement ground beneath me
my asthma
my chest begins to burn
my lungs
they are a ticking time bomb
a quirk of mine i've grown to hate
i search through my pockets
pausing for only seconds
but my inhaler is nowhere in sight
my breathing turns to wheezing
he can hear me now
so i try and hide
behind the staircase that holds eighty steps
i try to calm myself
the ground below me shaking as he grows closer
his voice leaving my throat dry
but everything pauses
and i cup my mouth with my hands
trying my best to silence myself
but these flames that have lit themselves
i can feel my bones turning to ashes
the fire alarm won't shut up
as my mouth tries to reopen
unstitch itself from the sewing i had done
to let the intoxicating smoke out
but i can't
or he'll hear me
the squeaking of the lanterns swinging
rusted metal to metal
i want to call out for my mother
but i know she won't hear me

( she didn't before )

suddenly the pressure of smoke 
moved my hand 
and like the sound of a helium balloon being let go of
i exhale
and the door swings open
and he stands
eight foot
maybe ten
his black rubber like hands
reach for my small body
his yellow teeth
they smile down at me
as he brings me back to his room
the one i tried so hard to escape from
and i cry all night
hoping that he'll stop
but he doesn't
instead he whispers
how much he loves to play hide and seek
for the thrill of it all
gives him more pleasure in the end

i wake up crying
like i had in my dream 
knowing it was far from that
hearing him call my name
from his room
praying since the age of ten
that one day
it'll all end

but ( just like my mother )
god never hears me.