on this day.

i never got to thank you for saving such a hopeless soul.

lxx. I NEVER GOT TO THANK YOU
FOR SAVING SUCH A HOPELESS SOUL.

a water bottle full

digging holes into me
watch me drain faster than you
can ask if i'm okay.

clogged with words
never choose the right ones
i want to die
wait no
what i meant to say was be okay
i think.

ask me if i'm fine one more time
question me until my eyes give you the answer you want
hand me your doctors card
tell me how she's the best in town
don't give up on me now
please
you're all i have left.

prescribed pills after empty bottles don't work

they were meant to last you a whole month
keep quiet
don't admit that they only lasted a day
for i went home
swallowed till the back of the orange
container stared back at me.

i called you
did you get my message?
i wanted to ask you if you hated me as much as i do
if you were me, would you do the same?
damage yourself until there is nothing left.

as time past
i grow into an ocean
opened up the floodgates
watched as my tears stained the ink
i want to die
i mean it.

once stuck on what to say
i pour out
my hand leads
i no longer think
the spaces between my words
they mean more than the page itself.

but i didn't perish
you came knocking at my door
you panicked
held my hands
cupped my tears and put them back where they belong
you made my heart swell
beat so hard that an earthquake broke my bones
you told me how much i meant to you
i felt it
more than i had
with my own set of words
that read i would never be okay
and how this
how you were meant to find me
was all my fault.

we burned the note that night
in the fire behind my house.

i write poems now
with these ashes on the floor
part of me wants to die
most of me thinks back to you
wondering how you are ;

wondering
if you think of me too.