on this day.

i've become such a good liar, can't you tell?

lxxi. I'VE BECOME SUCH A GOOD LIAR, CAN'T YOU TELL?

i think there is a big difference between being okay and wanting to be okay because when you are the latter, your mind likes to play pretend like you used to when you were little and you had the whole world in the irises of your eyes. it likes to make you think you are on top of this mountain, looking down on all these bad days that have come and gone, making you believe in a sadistic kind of way that you have made it. conquered everything that there ever was. but then reality kicks you down, you are tumbling to the bottom of this cliff with tears carving themselves into the rocks. it is then, when your bruised knees hit the ground that you know the difference. you want to be okay, you aspire to be happy for once your goddamn life because all you have ever known is this sadness that fills you until you can no longer carry it. so you cut yourself open, hang yourself from a scratchy rope, you do everything in your power to seek what people say is the hardest thing to keep.

so stop asking me if i'm okay because i know i'm not
but i'm going to continue to say yes anyway.