IMAGINES ▹ ROSS BUTLER

↳ petals pt. 2

( PETALS pt. 2 )
by marwritesgood

I slowly pulled my thick headphones away from my head, and, with wet tears streaming down my face, I looked up to Tony who sat opposite at the table we were at in Monet's, but he seemed to be unfazed by my reaction to my tape, most probably because he had expected me to be the way I was.

I wondered if he did this for everyone. If he bought coffee and sat with everyone before me when it came to the time for them to listen to their tape. I didn't know that Hannah had dealt with all of that, much less, because of my doing. Hell, I didn't even know that my friends had told everyone what was meant to be a secret.

"Did I really do that?... Did I really make Hannah kill herself?"

"I think you already know the answer to that, Y/n."

"And... and everyone who had a tape before me, they all know what I did to her? They already know that I was the one who was pregnant?"

"Yeah, Y/n. All of them do?"

"... Zach has a tape doesn't he?"

"If you listen to the next side, you'll have your answer."

"He'll be the next one to find out, won't he?"

"If you decide to pass on the tapes to him, he will, yeah."

"What if I can't do it, Tony? What if I can't bring myself to give him the tapes?"

"You'll be doing Hannah a disservice. Look, I don't think you're a bad person. I don't think half the people who have a tape are bad. However, just because you might, deep down, be good people, doesn't change the fact that you all played a part in her suicide. And you can't change that. What you can do however, is rant Hannah her dying wish: for each and everyone of you to listen to these tapes."

"What do you think he'll do when he finds out?"

"If he had even half a brain, or half a heart, then he'll do the one thing these tapes have gotten you all to do: listen."

Once I finished listening to all the tapes, I did what I was meant to do. I put them all back into the shoe box the came in, in the same exact order, and I sent them to Zach's home. Then I waited. I waited for him to listen to the first one, then the second before he finally reached mine, however, whilst I was waiting, I decided to confront some of my old friends. The ones I had once trusted, the same way Hannah used to trust me.

There were three of them that day, but I had a feeling I knew which of them told the rest of the student body. Sheri Holland.

"I need to talk to you"

"Y/n, hey. is everything okay?"

"I don't think you'll want anyone to hear this, so can we go outside for a second?"

"Yeah, of course... Okay, now can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Why the hell did you tell everyone?"

"I don't know-"

"I told you that Hannah was pregnant, but that I went with her to Planned Parenthood so that she could have an abortion. I only told you, Jess and Stephanie. Which means that one of you told everyone at this goddamn school, and my money is on you, Sheri."

"Why does it matter?"

"Why does it... She killed herself, Sheri. Hannah Baker killed herself."

"And? How is that my problem? How does any of this link together?"

"I was the one who had an abortion, Sheri. I was the one who was pregnant, so when you called her fat whore and a baby killer, how do you think that made her feel when she wasn't even the one who was pregnant? And, I get it, alright. You're not the only one at fault here. I shouldn't have dragged Hannah under the bus just to save my ass, and I'm a bitch for doing that, but fuck you, Sheri. I trusted you. I told you not to tell anyone and you were the only one who didn't listen."

"How did you even find out? Why didn't you just tell me it was you from the start? You say you trust me, but you couldn't even trust me enough with this?"

"Would you have kept your mouth shut? Or would you have called me a fat whore and a baby killer, the way you did to Hannah? Because as far as I'm concerned, the only difference between her and I is that she was a good friend, which is far more than I can say about you."

I knew that Sheri would keep her mouth shut about my abortion. Not because she was once my best friend or anything, but because I had listened to her tape, and I had made it clear to her that I knew about the role she played in Jeff's death. I was never going to make it public, but if leading her on to think that I would was what I needed to buy myself some time, then so be it.

I waited about a week for Zach to finally reach my tape. When I knew that he began listening to them, I kept my distance from him, by occupying myself with cheerleading and studying. I knew that once he reached my tape, and once he was ready he would confront me about it. I don't think I could have ever been ready.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm guessing you finally got up to my tape."

"Why didn't you tell me? I know that we're a lot better now than we used to be... that I'm a lot better than I used to be, and maybe I wouldn't have been all butterflies and rainbows, but don't you think I deserved to know?"

"I was scared. Like Hannah said, everyone thinks I'm better, for some stupid reason. I was scared of what everyone else would think... I was scared of what you would think."

"How could you ever think that I would look at you differently just because you had an abortion? Y/n, you are my fucking world... how many times do I need to tell you that for you to finally get that I love you so fucking much."

"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry, you're right. I should've just told you the truth instead of lying and saying that it was Hannah. I just... panicked. I dodn't know what to do, and I didn't know who to talk to so abortion was all I could think of."

"Baby, I'm not pissed that you chose to have an abortion. I'm pissed that you had to go through all of this without me, because I didn't make it clear to you that I am always gonna be yours, no matter what happens. You could be a fucking serial killer, and I would still be yours."

"Of course you would make jokes at a time like this."

"I'm not joking."

I couldn't help but smile. That was the effect he had on me. Even in the midst of all of this chaos and melodrama, he still managed too make me forget about it all for just a second and to smile. His smirk grew wider when he noticed me smiling, despite the tears streaming down my face.

He held out one hand and placed it on the side of my face, allowing of his thumb to rub the apples of my cheeks so the he could wipe my tears away. I responded to this, by wrapping my arms around his neck, before tilting my head upwards so that I could kiss him.

I fucking loved that stupid basketball player.