Slow Love

The Question?

Sleeping blissfully in his arms, he jiggles me. "Baby, are you awake?" "I am now. Why?" "Let's go up to bed. It's getting cold down here, the heater ran out of gas." We gather up our clothes making our way up the steps, "Which room, yours, mine or ours?" He laughs, "Baby, you are always ON. Which one do you prefer?" "Let's go back to the last one. I like the change of scenery. Is that alright with you?" "Sure Baby, whichever you choose. There are 10 of them after all." 

When we arrive, I notice we still have some wine leftover from dinner. "Sweetheart, let's have a glass of wine on the balcony before bed." "Baby, that sounds wonderful." I grab the guest robes out of the bathroom for us; we put them on as we walk out onto the balcony. He pulls the chairs side by side so we can take in the evening ocean view and be close to one another. After we're seated, he takes my left hand bringing it to his lips, kissing my wedding ring along with each of my fingers. That ring is so very important to him, representing everything he has always wanted in life. 

I place my other hand on his, "Lost in thought?" "Humm, Baby. Good question. I'm thinking how happy and complete my life is now, with you. You are my everything, all I've ever wanted in life, a wife." I take his hand between mine and draw it to my face, kissing it softly. He pulls me over onto his lap. "Oh Baby, this is where I want you. I love holding you close." 

 I lay my head on his shoulder, kissing his neck while I trace his facial hair with my finger. "Sweetheart, I love your beard, why did you decide to grow it out for me now?" "Baby, this week I was so upset and disheveled, I just forgot to shave. When I got ready to come here, I decided to surprise you with it because I know how much you love it. I'll keep it until we head out- would you like that?" "Well, I'd love that. You know what it does to me." 

"Baby, when are you going to grow your hair out for me?" "I can't Sweetheart, I just can't. Please don't make me explain why. I will tell you, eventually, but please... not right now. Another time, okay?" "No problem Baby. Just keep surprising me- I love that." Good, I'm happy he loves surprises. I can do that for him anytime He gets to get his freak on, but I'm keeping my hair short. 

"Baby, I need to ask you about something I'm unclear about. Will you tell me what I need to know?" Uh-oh, this doesn't sound good. I really don't want to get into another emotional conversation right now. I want to simply enjoy this time soaking him up. But I know him......he won't let it go. "Sure Sweetheart, what is it ?" My head is nuzzled into his neck, my hand resting on his chest, roaming in his chest hair. I kiss him softly and he kisses my forehead. 

"Baby did you and Hub ever try to have children using In-vitro?" That was a lightning bolt to my gut..... it literally made me nauseous. Instinctively, I grabbed his neck burying my head deeper into his neck. My body stiffened against him- not in a good way. He took my hand from his neck, curling his fingers over mine, "Baby, take a deep breath and relax. Please talk to me." 

 My heart is racing, like it is going to fly out of me. I try to pull myself together, grabbing my glass of wine and slamming it back. Then I grab his glass and slam that back too. I get up- emptying the remainder of the bottle, slam that back. A half bottle of wine should do the trick. I walk over to the railing of the balcony gazing out to sea, lost in thought while trying to gain control of my emotions. 

He wants to know, he needs to know. I've dropped bits and pieces without revealing the full story. And he instinctively knows there is more to it. As I consider how best to approach this, I feel his arms wrap around, pulling me into him. I take a moment to breathe in his scent to calm me. "Baby, I love you. If this is too painful, just tell me as much as you can." 

There is not near enough alcohol in this house to get me through everything tonight, so I'm going to try to get out what I can. Clinging to him, he strokes the nape of my neck to soothe me. I turn from him to gaze out at the sea once more. "Sweetheart, let's go inside. This is going to take awhile and I need to be relaxed......comfortable." "Baby, do you want to lay in bed together......me holding you?" "Yeah. That would be helpful."