Slow Love

All This Love

His voice is now filled with excitement, "Baby... didja...didja feel it? [long hesitation] That was the strongest I've ever felt our souls joining and speaking to each other. I felt all our love. I hope it was as strong for you as it was for me." 

Our eyes meet in a fixed gaze, "Yes Sweetheart, it was like nothing I have ever felt before. Our Love is two people touching each other's soul. Love is honesty and trust. Love is helping one another. Love is mutual respect. Love means that differences can be worked out. Love is reaching our dreams...together. Love is the connection of two hearts, two souls ....yours and mine. We have learned to become one with our inexplicable connection to each other. All that means we will make sacrifices; we will overlook some things. Are you willing to compromise for the good of our relationship and marriage? Sweetheart, I am." 

Transfixed intensely on each other, "Sweetheart, adding this new chapter to our life scares me more than anything else. Please tell me why, all of a sudden, you feel the urge to procreate?" Feeling sated from the splendor of our lovemaking, I am calm and feel his love...as always. His eyes are dancing with excitement. 

"Baby, talking earlier about all that I've lost in my life, mostly from the choices I made. I faced the realization I deep down missed out not having children, a family to call my own because of those poor decisions or actions. Ever since you told me there were little Gigi's frozen, I have been dreaming what it would be like to have a little boy or girl with your eyes, your voice... your intoxicating smile. To have a baby conceived in our love would be an incredible dream come true. Baby, I love you more than anything or anyone in the world. I'm working harder to be a better man for you. I know it is too soon to reach a decision about it while I'm undergoing therapy, but I felt the need to ask you if you would consider trying after my therapy is wrapped up? I know you never got over your losses, neither have I.  You learned how to cope, understand, accept it and became stronger; I hope I can learn to do the same.  It will help me to finally reconcile the loss of my son, with closure, if I have a ray of hope to try for another with my one and only true love." 

Good lord, he knows how to get to me every time with his powers of persuasion in mega overdrive. Then he is looking at me, with those eyes, like a teenager beggin' for his first car. How in the world can I tell this man I love so dearly, no?  I take a deep breath, exhaling with a slight duress, "Sweetheart, alright I understand. Let me think about it and we'll pray to God for guidance. We have some time before we can even begin to start the process." 

He pulls my face to his for a deep, lingering kiss of fire and sweet passion. When we part, "Sweetheart, I need to share with you my feelings about this." With a sincere look of concern, "Of course Baby. I want you to tell me everything, please." I cogitate where to start, [trembling a bit] 

"Sweetheart, I'm not just scared, I'm terrified to my core about all this for many reasons. Besides Murphy's Law, you know if anything can go wrong, it will. It scares me I won't survive to raise this child. You have to remember, I'm a cancer survivor. Just because I have been cancer free all these years doesn't mean that it won't come back with vengeance to haunt me. Please...think about that." A few tears leak out down my face. He smooths them away with his hand. 

Taking me in his arms to console me, "Baby, take your time. Go on..." I feel his peace and love that is soothing, "I lost my mother when I was barely 30 years old due to complications of the flu that went into pneumonia. She was not only my mother, she was also my best friend and I still needed her. I'm 58 years old, I'll be almost 90 by the time our child is 30...if I make it that long. Sweetheart, I'm not telling you no, just think about some of these things."