Slow Love

Failed Love

"Baby, I have to tell you what I talked today about. Are you ready?" She leans into the back cushions of the sofa sideways to get comfortable. Draping her arm over one of the back pillows. "Sure, Sweetheart, I'm ready." I'm positioned just the same, facing her. I pick up her hand in mine to feel our connection. "Baby you know I love you more than anyone I've ever loved in my life. I discussed with Steve today my failed marriages. I previously share all those details with you, as part of my therapy, I need to share them with you again. Are you alright for me to do that?" 

She draws my hand to her silky lips, kissing the back across my knuckles. "Sure Sweetie. You tell me whatever you need to tell me." I organize my thoughts. I need to convey this in a way she doesn't think our marriage will eventually fail. As far as I'm concerned, she is the only real wife I've had, the other two are what I thought was a love at the time. 

"Baby, you know why I married Mayte. She was pregnant, told me over the phone while she was in Europe promoting the new album. Informing me the results of the blood test were positive and the baby was mine, I freaked out and had to marry her. I didn't want to get married at that time in my life, but I was caught. I had to do the right thing to make sure our child had a family with parents I never had. Baby, you know this whole story, she told me she was a virgin, huh-uh; that cherry had done been popped. She lied to me so many times about all sorts of stuff, but I was too blind to see. I thought what I felt for her was true Love, not even close. You knew me back then, I got bored very quickly with girls and had many at any given time. She was no different, part of the group of girlfriends, I was living the life of a rock star. She got too clingy with me wanting to be exclusive and that just wasn't going to happen. Mayte had been around the camp a little too long. I sent her to Europe to promote the album to get her out of my hair. When it sunk with me that I was going to be a father, I did everything I thought I should do. I prepared myself to settle down, be a married man with a family. I honestly thought I loved her, at least in the beginning during that time while she was pregnant, but she wasn't my soulmate. I sincerely tried to make a go of it, until we had the catastrophic circumstances losing my boy. We knew it was possible there was a birth defect due to complications prior to his birth, I was not prepared for what happened. I believed if we put all our faith in God, everything would be alright in his hands. We prayed so much for the safety of our child, more than I ever did before, I was certain that all would be okay. God is great, God is good, I knew he wouldn't allow any harm come to one of his children." 

I had to pause, the overwhelming emotions were causing my voice to crack and my eyes to brim with tears. She sits her coffee cup down and takes mine putting it next to hers. Surrounding me in her arms, "Sweetheart, stop...that's enough. I don't need to hear any more. I intimately know this story in its entirety, there's no need to rehash it, dredging up all this and getting all worked up over it" 

Hearing her soft words and feeling her intense love, I calmed immediately. "No Baby. I have to finish. I want to tell you everything again and accept why these two marriages failed and my responsibility in their failure." 

She nods, "Sweetheart, take a break then. Drink some coffee and have a cookie." I sighed relief as I look into her eyes, kissing me with love and tenderness. I can see in her eyes all the love, compassion and kindness she is. "Baby, you know I ultimately didn't love them like I love you. That is why they didn't last and I'm here with you now. You know that, right?" 

She lowers her head down rubbing her forehead. Looking back up at me, "Sweetheart, yes I know. So much has happened to both of us over the years. You changed, I've changed, we grew into what we are. We learned from those life experiences to be here with each other. Nothing you are telling me is new or different or earth-shattering. I fully knew all about your previous marriages and relationship before I married you. I know what I am to you, that's all that matters. I love you and the better man you became."