NIALL HORAN IMAGINES

My fault

Hey, my sweet little sunflowers!

I know this isn't an update but I just wanted to talk a little bit about my personal life with you guys and this is something that's keeping me from wanting to do anything.

So, 3 years ago, I met this guy and he was 2 days older than me. I met him at my grandparent house when I'd go for a visit. He was my grandparent's neighbor.

So my cousins found out that he had a crush on me and I had a crush on him too so we were happy. One day he sent me this letter handwritten about how much he liked me and stuff and I thought that was the sweetest thing in the world.

Since I did not have a phone and neither did he we were the old style. Writing letters. Soon enough we said the 'L' word. Keep in mind that we never talked in person ever before. We saw each other but we were too shy to talk to each other.

My grandparents lived in a different country so I only got to see them for 2 months a year.

So that means I saw him once a year too which was super hard for both of us. He acted like he was fine but I knew he was really hurt when I left him and the same was with me as well.

So last year June, I moved to Canada and for financial issues with moving into a new country we weren't able to afford to visit my grand parents because they lived on the other side of the world.

I did not want to hurt him and I knew i was not going to see him every year, so I did not tell him that I was leaving for Canada because I knew it would break him and I did not want that. Even tho I did break him.

I wrote him a letter explaining everything and I asked him to forget about me. I didn't want him to wait for me and I was scared that what if I found someone and I didn't want him to wait for me while I was with someone. Mostly, I didn't want to hurt him.

I didn't deserve him. He needs someone whos there when he need her, someone who he doesn't need to wait for, someone he can talk to.

I wasn't that someone. So since I was shy I gave the letter to my cousin who used to live there and told her to give it to him after I leave. I didn't want him to be sad in the last few days that I was there.

And so she did and it broke him into pieces and it sucks to know that I broke the only guy I truly loved (other than Niall).

I thought it would be easy moving on, forgetting about him, but until now, I never knew how much I needed him, how much I need him right now to hold me.

I miss him and I love him.  Tears roll off my eyes every now and then and it hurts so much. But the weird thing is, maybe I don't want to move on. I still do love him.

I'm sorry that this isn't an update but i hope you guys can understand. It like 3 in the morning I can't sleep but ily guys.