You're never going to believe this. I had my fucking HEART RIPPED OUT, and these inbred jerks don't even want to know how I totally shrugged that off. Instead, they're all asking me to do some stupid chores. 'Find my bible, pick some flowers for the wounded, find my dead brother!' I can't believe how selfish these guys are! But you know me. I'm a nice guy. So I agreed to their stupid, pointless, selfish requests because I don't really have anything else to do right now, and you'll never believe this.
That stupid bible that idiot lost? It was on the roof. The goddamn roof. How the fuck did he lose it up there? Was he just casually walking around on the roof and it fell out of his robe? Why was he even on the roof? Did he just get mad one day because the Gods saw fit to grant him an inverted penis and just chuck it as hard as he could? Whatever.
So next on my checklist, find a dead body! Which shouldn't be hard, because they're all over the beach. I guess nobody bothered to move them after that Dragon showed up to the beach party. Well, they wanted me to find a specific dead body, which was obviously way harder. Luckily, I found a guy who said he saw a dead body and had to tell that other guy the obvious fact that his brother was just a little bit absolutely dead. He didn't seem too broken up about it, though.
Last thing on the list? It's to pick flowers for the wounded. I mean, this makes sense to me. Obviously, none of them have my raw fortitude and they can't survive without their hearts like I can, so the flowers are for their graves when they inevitably die! I gotta leave town for this one, since nothing grows in here but bacteria.
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Luther's Adventure Log
FanfictionA satirical Dragon's Dogma account following the adventures of Luther Goodfisher, from the moment the Dragon Grigori eats his heart and he miraculously survives. Soon enough, Luther is joined on his adventure by a Pawn, a mysterious being from anot...
