Luther's Adventure Log

Terry The Talking Tuna

"So... do you think that the evil knight in the evil black armor who's meeting with a known evil necromancer cultist is the bad guy we're looking for?"

Monica and I stood not ten feet away watching them stand in plain sight staring at each other. After a few seconds, the robed guy seemed to vanish from reality and the knight started casually walking away. Naturally, we followed him.

"Master, what are you doing!?"

"Lighting my lantern. It's dark as your soul out here. I can't see that black-armored guy very well."

"He's got a lantern on him! He's literally lit up like a beacon!"

"What, so he can have a lantern, but not me?"

"We're trying to hide from him!"

"Wouldn't it be suspicious if he looked back and saw two people following him in total darkness? And your eyes kind of glow in the dark."

"That's... kind of a good point."

"...Come to think of it, I think this guy is deaf. We haven't been whispering at all, and we're only like ten feet behind him."

"I... Okay, well, that's both true and somewhat worrying. What if we're being lured into a trap?"

"I think we can take one pissy Frenchman and his grumpy peasant necromancer sidekicks." I really couldn't help but laugh at the idea of slaughtering an angry mob of sheeple dumbasses with impunity.

We followed him in relative silence for a while. He kept just standing still for several minutes before resuming his walk. And he walked so fucking slow. It was like he kept getting gassed and had to stop and take a break before he resumed his snails' pace granny walk to the shitty section of town.

"Holy shit, a barber shop! We have a barber shop?"

"Master, focus."

"Do you think I need a haircut?"

"Your hair is fine, Master. We're working right now."

"My hair is 'fine'? Just 'fine'? That's it?"

"No, I'm sorry. You have a glorious, luxurious mane of the silkiest night sky black. Your luscious raven tresses are the envy of many." She said without enthusiasm.

"Well, it doesn't count now! Now that 'fine' has come out, everything else you say is meaningless!"

"You are an Arisen Adonis, Master. I can barely contain my orgasm." Monica sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Don't patronize me!"

"Don't be so sensitive."

"Where is this guy even going? We've been tailing him forever!"

"I don't know. Maybe the Black Cat."

"I highly doubt the French Edgelord is walking all this way just to pet an adorable fluffy creature."

"...The Scrivener, Master."

"Let's pretend I don't know what that word means."

"Scriveners are scribes. Particularly the kind who can create convincing copies of other works. Forged documents and the like. You understand why that would be of use to a villain like the Night's Champion."

"Cool! So it's like a wizard who can magically duplicate items!"

"What? No. Master, scriveners just copy paperwork and such."

"So you're telling me that he couldn't make a perfect replica of this fish?"

"Why do you even..."