On the way to stake out the Rich Bastard Quarter, we stopped by the Chapel, which Monica so condescendingly informed me was 'That tall, thin building', as if I didn't know what a fucking chapel looked like, to ask the priest guy about his homies spelunking in the Waterfall Cave. They already have two guys on the job, but for some reason, Duke Twaddlefart thought it was a productive use of my time to walk to a goddamn cave halfway across the country and help look for crap inside it. Once that was done, the fat bald guy I met earlier asked me how that eviction notice was going, and I decided to do that while I waited for it to get dark.
"Master, I don't feel right about this. Sara is my friend! You remember, I told you how she helped me out once?"
"Well, if we don't do it, Lord Fauntleroy-"
"Fournival."
"That's what I said, Lord Fornicate-"
"That one was on purpose."
"-Will find somebody else to do it. It might sound better coming from a friend."
"Mm. Maybe. There, Master. That's Jasper."
"The loud, obnoxious fuck who screams about conspiracy theories all day and night so I can't get any sleep?"
"Er... yes?"
"I will thoroughly enjoy this."
"Master, no!"
"Hey! Are you Jasper?"
"Why, yes I am, good sir!"
"Pack your bags and get the fuck out! Your landlord is evicting your obnoxious ass!"
"What?! But... no! I won't go! Not without my family's agreement!"
"Do you not understand what an eviction notice is? You don't have a choice here, buddy!"
"Master, we'll just have to convince Sara and Pip."
"Are you fucking kidding me? We need to convince them to obey the law? What kind of circus is Duke Eddy running here?"
"It's more complicated than that, Master. Renters do have rights, after all."
"We're living in the fucking Dark Ages, Twintails. Nobody has rights."
"Not even you?"
"Well, sure, I have rights, but that's because I'm tougher than everybody else so I get to do what I want. Who the fuck is going to stop me?"
"The Dragon?"
"Come off it, Monica. The Dragon doesn't give two shits if I kill a man on the road just to test out my new gear."
"...We won't be doing that, though, right?"
"Maybe. Where's your buddy Sara?"
"She's probably at the tavern."
"That short kid? She's married to Jasper? She's like twelve! I like this guy less and less!"
"No, Master, you're thinking of Emme. The tavern. Not the Union Inn. Arsmith's Alehouse."
"Oh my god, you know their names. Nobody knows their names! Not even the people who work there know the names!"
"There she is now. Master, please, let me break the news to her. I'm sure I can-"
"Hey! You Sara?"
"Why, yes, I am! Oh, hello, Monica! Lovely weather we're having! Is this handsome young man yours, then?"
YOU ARE READING
Luther's Adventure Log
FanfictionA satirical Dragon's Dogma account following the adventures of Luther Goodfisher, from the moment the Dragon Grigori eats his heart and he miraculously survives. Soon enough, Luther is joined on his adventure by a Pawn, a mysterious being from anot...
