Luther's Adventure Log

A Spoonful Of Torpor Makes The Enemies Slow Down

"THERE, MASTER! CYCLOPS!"

"We see him, Nurda!"

It brought its club down on us with clumsy inaccuracy. By the time it was anywhere near us, Zarianna and I had already dodge rolled out of the way in opposite directions, Monica had lightly stepped backward out of range, and Nurda... well, Nurda had been pounding his shield like he was ringing a bell, screaming unintelligible nonsense. Even so, he casually hobbled out of the way of the Cyclops' club before it reached him.

"Why is he moving so slow? The last Cyclops we fought wasn't this slow."

"A spoonful of torpor makes the enemies slow down!" Zarianna cackled, brandishing an extremely rusty bow from beneath the crimson wrappings of her cloak.

"Wait, what? Torpor? The fuck is that? Monica, what the fuck is torpor?"

"It's a noun. A state of physical or mental inactivity. To use it in an example; 'they veered between apathetic torpor and hysterical fanaticism'. Synonyms include lethargy, sluggishness, inertia, inactivity, lifelessness, listlessness, languor, lassitude, laziness, idleness, indolence, sloth, acedia, passivity, somnolence, weariness, sleepiness-"

"Monica, I want to know why the fuck it's making this giant one-eyed toddler move like he's in limbo, not the fucking phonics!"

"Well, if you're not going to let me explain it, then don't bother asking." Monica sniffed primly.

"Basically, Arisen, rusty weapons like my bow here cause torpor, which I guess means the rust and such infects them and gets into their joints and gunks them all up so they can't move very quickly. Or something. It does other stuff, too, but mostly torpor." Zarianna said, not stopping her barrage of countless arrows to explain. The Cyclops was seriously barely moving. It was even blinking in slow motion.

"Rusty weapons do that? Rusty, like the crap Monica made me sell?! Monica, what the hell!?"

"They're so gross-looking and icky, though! And when you use them, chips of rust fall off and get everywhere! They're not sanitary, Master! Besides, they don't have those effects unless you meticulously maintain and upgrade them like Zarianna has, so for you, they were just gross infections waiting to happen!"

"And you even fucking knew they could do that!? You're supposed to be helping me, Twintails, not fucking me over for the sake of looking nice!"

"But if you don't look presentable, then how do you expect anybody to take you seriously, Master? Nobody is going to believe that some pointy-eared Elf-looking boy with a rusty bow is going to slay the Dragon and save the world!"

"They don't need to believe jack shit! Fire's not any less hot if the vocal majority gets together and decides to disbelieve it! If they stick their hands in it, it's still going to burn whether or not they believe it's hot! People can always disbelieve that I'm going to kick the Dragon's ass, but it's still going to happen!"

"I know that, Master, but I don't like it when people speak ill of you! I just want them to see you the same way that I do! And that's difficult enough with you wandering around with a scrap of filthy leather as a cape, but the rusty weapons practically made you a walking parody!"

"If you see me as a Dragon-slaying bad-ass, why should it matter if Caxton from the armor shop thinks I look like a nonce? He only knows how to say seven words, tops!"

"I just don't like all of the snide remarks I hear whenever we go into town together. They're very hurtful! How do they not bother you?"

"Because I know I could rip any one of them in half with my teeth if I needed to, Twintails! Trash talk is just trash unless you can back it up, so why would I give one quarter of an ounce of a fuck if some poncy fop in pink knickers and puffy sleeves doesn't think I look fab enough to slay a Dragon?"