Luther's Adventure Log

Explosive Verse

"There, Master! Goblins!" Double Wide bellowed, his powerful voice shaking the air itself.

"They're fucking dead, Double Wide! We fucking killed them!" I shouted back, throwing the hunk of ore I'd pulled off the most recent kill at him.

"What do you expect, with my help?" He retorted smugly.

"You didn't even fucking do anything!!!"

"Master, leave him alone. He can barely see through that helmet."

"There, Master! Harpies!" Generic Elf Archer #23 squeaked manically, firing arrows into a tree. No Harpies in sight.

"...Monica, I'm sorry. I owe you such an apology."

"What's this?!"

"It's a fucking rock, Gorgo! You've picked up nine of them already!"

"All is forgiven, Master." Even Monica didn't have the energy to argue today.

"Ugh. I hate this. Why does this Dragonborn fuck have to live all the way out in the boonies?"

"Dragonforged, Master."

"What did I say?"

"Dragonborn."

"What is that? What even is that?"

"I don't know, Master. It sounds like it could be very loud."

"Like is one of his parents a Dragon or something? What would that even be like?"

"Sex with a Dragon? A little rough, but very satisfying. Much better than any Human."

"What?! I meant like would he be born in an egg with scales and wings and breathe fire and shit! You had sex with the Dragon!? The son of a bitch who ripped out my heart!?"

"It's a joke, Arisen. Think of basic biology. How would that even fit?"

"I don't know what Dragon cocks look like, Monica! We still haven't cleared up the mystery as to whether or not you even have a reproductive system!"

"A white wolf... 'Twill be red soon enough!" Regoras cackled, firing ten exploding arrows right into what used to be a Dire Wolf's face all at once.

"Okay, I appreciate an explosion as much as any girl, but that's just excessive. Master, why did you give him those?"

"How the hell was I supposed to know that they blew up!? They're called 'Blast Arrows'! To me, the word 'blast' implies 'Woo, I'm having a blast, what a great time', not 'KA-FUCKING-BOOM, WHERE'S YOUR HEAD, OH THAT'S RIGHT, I BLEW IT THE FUCK OFF' arrows!"

"You thought they were 'Good Time' Arrows? What would those even do, Master?"

"I don't know! Flashing lights, a beat you can dance to, maybe summon a bard with a flagon of mead!"

"Blowing up on impact never entered your mind?"

"Hi, I'm Luther Goodfisher from Cassardis, where we're afraid of loud noises, marry our sisters, and think Salomet's Secret is a lady's underwear store. Nice to meet you."

"The ignorant country boy excuse only goes so far, Master. Anyway, if you don't like the explosion, why not take them away from him?"

"You try to take them away! He just turned a Dire Wolf into meat paste, Twintails. Even my rock-hard abs would suffer a bit of damage if ten of those things hit me at once!"

"Aww. Is the Solution afraid of things going boom?"

"The Solution isn't afraid of anything. The Solution is, however, a realist, and doesn't think being on the business end of a quiver full of exploding arrows is good for his health."