Luther's Adventure Log

Anarchy

"It feels like literally the only quarry in the entire duchy and one of the safest and quickest routes connecting the two halves of said duchy should probably have been better protected."

"Yeah, well, Duke Edmun Dragonsbane has a lot on his plate." Arisa said, placing her pickaxe to one of the walls. "Like the Wyrmhunt."

"I'm literally the only member of the Wyrmhunt, and we all know it. So that's all on my plate. So what's on Eddy's plate? Is it the sad state of the roads? Monica, how many times have you told me that the Duke could stand to commission some new roads?"

"I was just making small talk, Master."

"Right, like a billion times! And you know what? He hasn't done that! And it's not like he's maintaining all the forts around Gransys, because they're all falling the fuck apart, and if he was trying to build new ones, he'd need STONE from the QUARRY, which has been left untouched long enough to fill up with monsters and lowlives! He hasn't been cutting back on crime, because there's more bandits than civilians these days."

"You can't possibly know that." Arisa replied, not really interested in the conversation, but taking part just to be polite.

"I can, actually! See, I've counted! There's only two towns in all of Gransys, Gran Soren and Cassardis, right? And I've counted everybody in both cities! The combined population of both places is less than half the amount of bandits we've killed! So what's he really been doing? Nothing! The roads are shit, the castles are all falling apart, the crime rate is at an all-time high, the economy is in the shitter, half the buildings in both towns are falling apart, and his only effort to stop the Dragon thus far has been to give me a piece of paper that gives me permission to do the thing that I was already going to do, and then fucking side-track me with a ton of useless, pointless bullshit that has nothing to do with the Dragon!"

"He's also been doing a recruitment drive." Arlo mumbled, picking at a thread on his robe. "I'll bet that's sort of helpful."

"People have been becoming bandits to dodge the draft, though. And things have gotten so obsolete and dystopian that there is literally a cult devoted to the destruction of the entire planet and worshipping the Dragon because Duke Eddy doesn't inspire hope in his people! He's got a 32% approval rating! And those are mostly from the Rich Prick Quarter in Gran Soren and the inbred dimwits who think if he's a Duke, he knows what he's doing! It seems high, but that's only because he only has two towns under his rule! Which means that only thirty-two percent of two goddamn cities combined have any faith in his ability to run this duchy!"

"Master, you said yourself that you don't care about anybody's opinion of you. Why does everybody's opinion of Duke Edmun bother you?"

"Because he's the authority figure that I've sworn to forever rebel against, Monica. The man on the throne is irrelevant. It's the authority itself I rebel against, in all of its shapes and forms!"

"Why?"

"I'm an Anarchist. I believe that everybody should just kind of do their own thing and think for themselves."

"That's..."

"Also, I hate being told what is and isn't legal. Like, who are they to decide? Just some elected bags of dicks who think they speak for me! Fuck that noise! I'm Luther Goodfisher! I speak for myself! And I say, fuck the Duke!"

The collected Pawns applauded politely with unimpressed expressions. "That's great, Master. Very inspiring. But about the Ogres...?"

"Right! Fuck the Ogres, then the Dragon, then the Duke! Onward, my loyal Pawns!"

"We're not that loyal." Arisa corrected me blandly.

"We're getting paid for this, right?" Arlo mumbled passively.

"Only because I have to be." Monica sighed unhappily.