Luther's Adventure Log

I Don't Believe In Repeating Myself

Some bald jackass in armor tried to stop us on our way to the Pawn's Guild in the Crappier Part Of Town, but he was apparently just bored, because once we told him where we were going, he let us pass pretty easy.

"So what's up with you today, Monica? You almost seem like you have emotions."

"I fear I've naught to say, Arisen."

"There it is."

She took me down a pathway to a ghetto sort of area with smashed-up houses that were missing rooftops, a bunch of perverts wandering around in their underwear, weird multi-colored mutants, people with crazy hair colors, a trio of women dressed up in princess cosplay, and an enormous giant of a man covered in rippling muscle and sheer badassitude, a sword the size of my entire body on his back, covered in head to toe in glistening silver armor.

"Hey, bro, nice sword!" I said, not sure how to start a conversation with a ten foot tall monster of a man.

"Yes, Arisen?" He asked in the highest, squeakiest chipmunk voice I had ever heard. I had to cover my mouth with both hands to choke back my laughter. Monica dragged me away from him before things got worse, and for once I was grateful for how bossy she was.

"The Pawn's Guild is this way, Arisen." She huffed in her usual pushy tone. She showed me to a crappy little barn full of weirdoes standing around looking extremely suspicious. They didn't speak or anything. They just stood there staring at the shiny rock that looked like the one that spat Monica out earlier in my adventure.

"Monica! How are you? Long time no see!" The source of the voice was one incredibly flouncy man. He probably didn't even have a six pack.

"Barnaby, this is my Master." Monica said, no trace of hostility in her voice for once. She pushed me forward like she was showing off a new pet or something.

"Uh-huh. So what have you been up to lately? Like, adventuring and stuff?"

"Barnaby. This is the Arisen."

"They're all the Arisen. I see like fifty Arisen a day. What's special about this one?"

"He's mine."

"He? You mean this one is a man?"

"Dude! I'm standing right here!"

"Hush, now. The adults are talking." Monica suddenly held a tight grip on my arm as I reached for my daggers on reflex. Nobody sasses Goodfisher.

"We need him!" She hissed into my ear before turning back to Barnaby. "He doesn't understand how things work yet. Do you mind explaining it to him?"

Barnaby groaned for a long, drawn-out period of time. I was privately impressed that he could hold it that long. "Fine. Listen closely. I don't believe in repeating myself."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said I don't believe in repeating myself."

"I still didn't quite catch that."

"I don't believe in repeating myself."

"You're mumbling. Stop mumbling, I can't understand you." Monica dug her nails into my arm as a warning. It didn't matter; I could tell I was going to get the reaction I wanted just by the look on his face.

"I SAID I DON'T BELIEVE IN REPEATING MYSELF!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IN REPEATING MYSELF! REPEATING MYSELF! I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT! Did you understand me that time, you stupid ape!?"

I turned to Monica with a wide grin. She was shooting daggers at me. "I like him!"

"This is why I hate Arisen." Barnaby hissed under his breath. "I'll could explain, but it would take so long. Why not just... touch the stone?"

"Why don't you touch the stone?"

"Master, just touch the stupid stone!"

"Take your talons out of my arm and I'll gladly touch the magic birthing rock!"

"Yes. The magic birthing rock. That's definitely what it's called." Barnaby agreed dryly. At Monica's reassurance, I reached out and placed my hand on the rock, closing my eyes.