Luther's Adventure Log

Tavern Talk

"Did you hear, Cos? A new Duke was crowned recently. He was assigned by the King on the Mainland, and he's a foreigner, so nobody at the castle is pleased about it, but apparently Duke Gunther is a nice enough guy." Valmiro said, waving his fork at me.

"Ah, the Aristocracy is all the same. Bastards, all of them." Pablos said, his mouth full of fish. He sprayed flecks of meat with each word.

"Dude. Swallow. Come on, that's just disgusting." I said, throwing a napkin at him.

"Well, it's true! We all believed Duke Edmun Dragonsbane was really a mighty Dragon slayer! How were we to know he was a fake?" Heraldo said, taking a seat next to Pablos. "Who else could get away with a lie like that? None but the Aristocracy, that's who!"

"By the way, Cousin. What ever happened to your knighthood?" Pablos asked, shoveling mashed potatoes, or as they called him in the city, harspuds, into his mouth. "Did the blue-blooded bastards strip you of it once Edmun was revealed as a fake?"

"Nah, I've still got it. I just don't want anything else to do with politics. There's no monsters to fight anymore, and I'm not interested in killing humans, much as you round-eared fucks deserve it."

"Come off it, Cos. You're as much a human as any man here." Valmiro laughed, yanking on my ear. I punched him in the kidney while he was exposed, and he nearly threw up.

"I hear talk of war brewing with Voldoa because of the actions of their champion what they sent to help with the Wyrmhunt." Heraldo said, leaning forward.

"Oh, yeah. Julien. He's a shit. He actively aided a cult of necrophiliacs to sow discord in Gransys. Hey, Inez, can I get something to drink?"

"What'll it be, Cos?" Inez asked, smiling warmly.

"My wife doesn't want me drinking, so I'll just have a Salomet's Secret. Thanks. Where was I? Right, Julien. He had this helmet, right? Only it wasn't a full helmet. It just covered the top part of his face. The entire back of his head was exposed for any jackass to cave in."

"Did you put that in the book, Cousin?" Heraldo asked eagerly.

"Ugh. Don't ask me about the book. Monica keeps bitching at me about the ending. I had one I thought was pretty clever, but she said people would murder me if I published it. Then she's like 'well, what's wrong with the truth' and I'm like 'the truth is boring', and then I came up with another ending, but she twisted my nipples until I promised to change it, because she didn't like that one, either."

"That Monica of yours is a right slave driver, isn't she, Cos?" Valmiro laughed.

"You don't know the half of it. I had this really cool part where I fought a Dragon on the frickin' moon, right? Well, she said that was absolutely ridiculous and that there's no air on the moon, and then some crazy shit about how my body would explode or something."

"So she's making you write what really happened, then?" Mercedes said, sitting down heavily at the table, a mug in her hand. Heraldo and Pablos scooted to make room for her on the bench. "Sounds to me a fine tale! Why feel the need to embellish it, friend?"

"I just feel like I can improve it with fiction, that's all." I shrugged.

"Maker's tits, are you actually sober for once? What happened?" Valmiro marveled.

"I want to put our names forward for consideration!" She said proudly, slamming her hands on the table. "Valmiro and I, I mean!"

"Consideration for what?" Pablos asked, taking another drink.

"Your wife is with child, no? And is it not the custom that a child have godparents, in case aught befalls the parents? I would like to put myself and Valmiro forward for consideration!"

"You'd have to talk to Monica about that one." I said, taking a sip of Salomet's Secret. You just couldn't beat that lemon-lime burst of flavor!

"And why is that? 'Tis your child, as surely as it is hers! You've the right to it!"

"No, you misunderstand. It's not that Monica won't let me have a say. It's that I don't care about it."

Pablos, Heraldo, and Valmiro burst out laughing. Mercedes just smiled and nodded, taking a swig from her mug. "Fair enough. You will tell her, won't you?"

"Yeah, sure. But hey, you're thinking about being godparents together, huh? I guess you two must be getting pretty serious." I said, looking between Valmiro and Mercedes.

"Not at all. She just wants me for my body." Valmiro sniffed dramatically, flipping his hair.

"Oh? You mean to tell me that there's more to you?" Mercedes laughed.

"Nope. He's all just good looks and no brains." I said bluntly, knocking on Valmiro's skull. "Hear that? It's hollow."

"Shove off, Cos! Better to have a hollow head than a hollow chest!" Valmiro laughed, punching me in the arm.

"Didn't you hear? I got the heart back. That was the entire point of slaying the Dragon."

"Ah, but it was stolen away once more by a second, much smaller Dragon, was it not?" Valmiro cackled, wiggling his eyebrows.

"This 'second Dragon' knows where you live, Valmiro." Monica's voice said from behind us. He nearly jumped out of his skin, banging his knee on the table and jostling the dishes. I'd seen it coming, my finely-honed hearing detecting Monica well before she spoke up, and I'd picked up my drink just before it happened.

"Hey, you." I said, smiling. "How long have you been listening in?"

"Only a couple of seconds. Move over, Valmiro." She squeezed onto bench between Valmiro and I, taking my arm in the crook of her own. "So what have you been talking about?"

"Monica! I wish to put our names forward for consideration!" Mercedes repeated immediately.

"For what?" Monica asked, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"For your child's godparents, of course!"

Monica glanced at me, smirking. "...You're not going to say it?"

"Say what?"

"It's right there, just waiting for you."

"...Oh. Yeah, no. I'm over it."

"You used to say it every chance you got."

"I used to do a lot of things every chance I got that I don't anymore."

"Come on!" She stuck her lower lip out and batted her eyelashes. "For me?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "You want me to say Gillian already has one God parent, right?"

"Yay!" She kissed me on the cheek. "That's my Luther."

"Monica? Your answer?" Mercedes asked urgently.

"Sure. I don't see why not." Monica shrugged. "Your house is already baby-proofed, what with Valmiro hurting himself on sharp edges all the time."

"It's a gift I have. Even if it doesn't seem possible that I could hurt myself on it, I find a way." Valmiro said, flexing his muscles.

"Fantastic!" Mercedes said, clapping her hands. "Step lively, Valmiro!" Mercedes dragged him up and poked him in the back, driving him in front of her like cattle.

"I don't see what's the rush. The baby isn't meant to be born for quite some time." Valmiro said as she rushed him out the door.

"It is never too early to begin training!" Mercedes said just as the door closed behind them.

"I didn't know they were getting so serious." Monica mused, smiling at the door. "Good for them."