Luther's Adventure Log

Rook

Okay, so some weird guy named Rook has started following me around. Uncle Dad says 'They call them Myrmidons' and said I should bring him with me, but I think he's some kind of homeless idiot that's imprinted on me or something. He's too stupid to understand what I mean when I tell him fuck off and just keeps shouting about Sunbright only being out at day at me. What the fuck is he on about? Of course the sun is only out at day when it's bright. That's what makes it day! I don't have time to explain it to him, though. I have to find some flowers for those losers with hearts. I kind of feel sorry for him, though. He has this vacant look on his face all the time, like some kind of a really slow dog. So I guess he can stick around. And silver lining, I know why that gate is there now.

There's these little red anuses walking around outside beating people up with clubs. The good news is that that rusty bow actually works. The better news is that the flouncy merchant guy they were pounding on gave me a neat piece of leather for helping him out, and I've decided to wear it as a cape to show off that I'm a goddamn super hero. All I need now is a catchy theme song!

Luther, he's a goddamn super hero~! With a leather cape~! It's Luther, oh man, he's cool~! He's great~! He has long hair~! And a six pack~! Ladies totally want to do him~! Sometimes even dudes~! He's got a bow now~! Watch him charge it up, release~! That's a secret technique only he can do~! Rusty daggers~! Rusty~! Arrows~! You better get a tetanus shot~! Before you get shot~!

Alright, it needs work, but I'm too busy being amazing to write it. That's bard work, and everybody knows bards don't have anything better to do than write about how awesome other people are. Side note, Rook can do some crazy shit with his walking stick. He shot fireballs and crap out of it, and then screamed something about giving me his fire, and my rusty arrows burst into flames! After I realized how awesome it looked, I decided against shooting him for it. Anyway, we've got all the flowers we need, even though I needed to look all over the damn place for them and one of the stupid things only magically appears at night, during which Rook helpfully informed me that it was night. What an idiot. It's time to head back.