"So if I'm reading this thing right, it gives me permission to hunt the Dragon, right?"
"That's what it says right here in large, bold print."
"Okay, but weren't we already doing this anyway?"
"But now we're doing it with permission."
"Monica, when have you and I ever needed permission to do jack shit?"
"But we have permission now."
"We don't need it, though."
"Apparently we did. We just didn't know."
"What, and we wouldn't have hunted it down and killed it on principle?"
"Master, what do you want me to say?"
"It's just that it kind of ripped my heart out on a pretty literal level, and then it ran away right before I got my second wind and kicked its scaly red ass, and I mean, I'm sorry, maybe it's petty, but when somebody tears my heart out, I sort of want revenge for that. That's why you'll never meet any of my exes."
"And also all of the people he killed."
"Pfft! Come on, Twintails, it's Cassardis. They breed like rabbits. Exactly like rabbits. Siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, literally none of it matters. People hump all over the town. On the beach, in the well, in all the houses, on top of all the houses, in the chapels, in the garden, everywhere you look, somebody is balls deep in somebody else. I don't even remember any of the people who died, and the village is still overpopulated. Seriously, Twintails, we could use more Dragon attacks in that town. It wouldn't cut down on the inbreeding, but it would at least clear up some elbow room."
"It can't be that bad, Arisen."
"Monica, it's not even a fishing village. We just tell people that to explain the smell."
"If that's true, and it's a big 'IF', then what's with all the boats?"
"To sell the deception! Have you ever seen anybody on those boats? You ever seen anybody fishing? No! And you never will! It's Hump City Central, Twintails, and it's always Spring Break. Those aren't conga lines you're seeing, though. Oh, no. It's coordinated single-file copulation. We made it into a sport. Used to be, the order had to be boy-girl-boy-girl, but recent political uprisings have seen to the elimination of that rule."
"That's disgusting."
"Why do you think I'm so happy to be out of there?!"
YOU ARE READING
Luther's Adventure Log
FanfictionA satirical Dragon's Dogma account following the adventures of Luther Goodfisher, from the moment the Dragon Grigori eats his heart and he miraculously survives. Soon enough, Luther is joined on his adventure by a Pawn, a mysterious being from anot...
