Luther's Adventure Log

Big Mama's Back

"I am not afeared to die in this place... But I would not wish this fate on any other." Moaned a dead Arisen that I walked past.

"Shut up. I'm not sharing my Wakestones." I replied bluntly, heading out on the pathway in front of her that lead to a very tall gazebo. A few harpy succubi things tried to harass me, but when you have homing arrows, there's not much birds can do to you. One tried to fly away, but the arrow followed her. I watched her do aerial tricks for a while as it chased her before I got bored and just shot another one that hit her right in the throat from the other direction.

Walking over their dead bird-lady bodies and looting the chests, smashing the boxes, and stepping on the sad dead person's last will and testament, I headed down the stairs on the gazebo tower thing. Waiting there for me was a smashed-up Riftstone.

"Damn it. This is how they get you. They throw these stupid things at me when I'm all alone and taunt me with their broken-ness. Fine, broken soul rock! You win this time!" I spat, throwing money at the problem. Like magic, the shattered Riftstone fixed itself up and spat out a very annoyed-looking Monica. "Oh, hey, Twintails! I wondered where you went." Gillian fell out of the Rift behind her, huddled up in the fetal position and sucking her thumb. "Wow. What's her damage?"

"She's traumatized from having her soul torn from her body by the earthly manifestation of Death itself, you insensitive ass!!" Monica screamed, her face reddening with fury.

"Ah, she'll get over it. I did. Where's Herman?"

"He's partially traumatized by Death, but mostly by you. He refused to come back until you swear off periapts." A familiar voice said with a short laugh.

"Yeah, that's just not gonna happen. How's it hanging, Zee?" I asked as we performed our secret dagger club handshake. "Still rocking the yellow, eh?"

"I'm trying something new. So I heard you took four edibles at once!"

"Yep. That's a thing that happened."

"Welcome to the club. How'd you like the side effects?"

"They were pretty great, until my legs stopped working."

"Trust me, eventually it won't even give you a buzz. It'll just make you mad."

"Aw. No more cartoon animal pop stars?"

"I still hear them sometimes in my dreams."

"What language are they singing?"

"No idea, but it's catchy, isn't it?"

"Man, so catchy. I didn't even hear my friends and family being slaughtered behind me."

"That happens sometimes. Once, I took four in a bar on a dare and blacked out. By the time I came to, I was lying butt-naked on a pile of charred corpses with a bunch of peasants praying to me."

"What'd you do?"

"I can't believe this!! Master, you do know that if you don't stop using those, your actions will have repercussions?"

"They already did. I just died a few minutes ago." I said, juggling three of my many Wakestones to show them off.

"What got you?" Zarianna asked with a smirk.

"Giant skeletons with these giant-ass swords." I admitted, adding a fourth Wakestone.

"Pfft! That's so lame! You were killed by a pair of giant boners!"

"Hey! To be fair, my legs didn't work!" I said defensively, putting away the Wakestones after I almost dropped one.

"You got boned so hard your legs stopped working!" She cackled, throwing her head back.