Luther's Adventure Log

Killing Death to Death

We advanced through the sewer, but nothing else seemed to jump out at us. "It's dark down here, even with our lanterns. Why is it so damn dark?" Herman asked, though he didn't seem to expect an answer.

"We're deep beneath the surface now, I'd wager. Not much natural light to be found down here." Monica said, lifting her lantern and looking around. "Fungal growth. That means we won't run out of oxygen any time soon, at least."

"...What does that have to do with mushrooms?" Gillian asked innocently.

"Air, sweetie. Mushrooms need air. These are fairly large growths, so it's safe to assume they have a constant supply of it."

"Oh." Gillian looked at the mushrooms with Monica, who smiled encouragingly at her. "...Are they poisonous?"

"Most definitely. Don't eat them." Monica said firmly.

"Arisen... motherfucker..."

Giovanni and I both stood bolt upright. "It's him." Giovanni whispered.

"That son of a bitch is back." I nodded.

"Let's kick his ass." Zarianna said with a savage grin. "With me, Herman! ...Herman? Damn it, where did that boy go!?"

"I think I saw him head down that hallway." Gillian said, pointing to the opposite direction the Grim Reaper's voice had come from.

"Herman!! Ohh... You know, I'm going to develop a complex about this! Master is busy being buddy-buddy with Luther, and my own son won't spend any time with me! Why the hell not!? Monica's daughter wants to spend time with her! What's wrong with me!?"

"Do you want me to sugarcoat it, or right between the eyes?" I said with a smirk, echoing her comment about my sweet new clothes.

"Don't fucking push me today, Luther! I've had it up to here with you and--"

"ARISEN!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Death bellowed, finding us because of Zarianna's constant bitching.

"See, the mistake you made today, Death..." Giovanni started, drawing his bow.

"...Was attacking two Magic Archers in this place." I continued, pacing the opposite direction of Giovanni.

"Two incredibly handsome, skilled, intelligent Magic Archers." Giovanni said, rubbing his chin. "In this oh-so-very-narrow place."

"Two incredibly handsome, skilled, intelligent Magic Archers who know one very handy spell." I agreed, following suit. The Grim Reaper looked confused by our complete and utter lack of fear.

"Arisen... motherfucker?" Death said feebly.

"Ricochet Hunter." We said in tandem, releasing the spell at the same time from both directions. Death screamed in pain as the bolts stabbed through him and bounced off the walls, but we kept firing more and more of them until you really couldn't see anything but blue blurs as our lightning bolts bounced rapidly from wall to ceiling to wall to floor to ceiling endlessly, trapping Death inside a glorious cage of lightning.

Death tried to teleport away, wrapping his cloak around himself, but I wrapped my lightning whip around his neck and pulled him down, where Giovanni finished him off with a Ninefold Bolt straight to the face. With an inhuman scream and a flash of light, Death exploded, his scythe clattering against the stone by Giovanni's feet and the lantern shattering at mine.

"Ohh, man! Did you guys see that?! Did you guys fucking see that!?" I shouted, pumped. "We were so awesome!!!"

"Dude, we fucking KILLED DEATH!!" Giovanni laughed. "Arisen chest-bump!" We jumped at each other, chests out, and touched our scars together.

"Arisen, fuck yeah!" I yelled, giving him another vigorous high five.

"Arisen one, Death zero!" Giovanni shouted, punching the palm of his hand. "Hey, help me lift this scythe! I want to smash it against the wall to celebrate our victory!"

"What!? You have the Grim Reaper's scythe itself, the scythe that causes instant death with a single stroke... and you want to smash it against the wall?" Monica said, astonished.

"Arisen, fuck yeah!" Giovanni and I shouted, smashing the scythe against the wall. Shards of the scythe blade fell to the ground as the powerful magic it was made from faded away.

"...That was... Mom, that was a huge waste, wasn't it?" Gillian asked, stunned.

"It's just as well. Can you imagine either of these yahoos with the powers of the Grim Reaper?"