Luther's Adventure Log

You Have No Power Over Me

If you ever find yourself fighting two one-eyed jerks, take my advice. Lightning. Holy shit, it works so well. Arisa dicked around bouncing her sword off their shins for a while, but myself, Arlo, and Monica instead took the time to just spam the hell out of some lightning spells. They pretty much just stood there and twitched the entire time while we cooked them alive. After kicking literally every single ass in the yard, it became pretty apparent that nothing else was going to happen without the Duke's men getting involved for some reason, so we took the lever we found guarded by some now-dead goblins and used it to open the gate.

So now Ser Robbie's team rushed into the battlefield, right? And as if by magic, an entire assload of goblins popped out of the ground for us to kill! After all of they were dead, too, the goblins pussed out like complete and utter bitches, which might have seemed like a great idea at the time, but in the process, they left the doors open for me and my Pawns to just walk in and paint the walls red with their blood. Which we did, with gusto. Up top, where the ballistae had been before, there was a third cyclops. Luckily, he wasn't any more resistant to being struck by lightning than his brothers were. Inside, we found the goblin cheiftain Robbie had talked about.

He didn't look any different from all of the other goblins we'd been killing this whole time, aside from his crown. I'm actually pretty sure he'd have been a better Duke than Eddy, but they didn't hire me to get involved in politics, so I slapped him in his stupid goblin face with my kick-ass lightning whip. Turned out he wasn't all that resistant to it, either.

"Master, quick! He's getting away!" Monica cried, pointing to him. I don't get what she was so worried about. I was keeping a pretty good eye on him.

"Wait for it." I let the little crown-wearing turd get as far as the window. As soon as he jumped, I flicked my wrist and wrapped my lightning whip around his neck. It went taut at the same time a gurgling cry followed by a wet snap reached our ears. Outside the fort, I heard the Duke's men exclaiming in either disgust or appreciation for this glorious work of art. Unfortunately, I couldn't maintain the spell forever, so I let the Brontide vanish, and smiled at the soft thump outside the window. "Nailed it."