Our Yeah | #WattPride (Completed)

Inevitable Intervention

Was I too unresponsive? Was I too timid? Was I too insensitive?

Why haven't I seen him this way before?

What changed?

Why only now?

So many questions surged through my head, I cannot sort them out like I used to while I was in school. I'm too flushed to even think straight right now, much less make sense out the questions in my head going at me like a freight train. I see the sunset as I look from the front porch, and already I'm thinking about him again.

I can't figure it out! Something's different, something's new. He changed? Can't be.

But I can't help myself. I'm constantly thinking about him, I just want to be with him. Always. I'm already scaring myself.

I'm caught between two worlds and I don't know which one is safer for me to stay in. Does he know? Should he know? Does he deserve to know what I know?

Will it hurt him?

Will it hurt me?

Peter. His name is constantly drenched in my thoughts and I can't make it stop. I'm sitting here on the front porch looking in the distance whilst I think about him, maybe perhaps too much for my own good.

I can't even concentrate on the book that I'm reading ever since Peter left an hour ago. Because on every sentence, every paragraph and every stanza I read he's always there, somewhere in the distance, smiling at me. I always think about him. I can't stop myself from thinking about him.

Why am I like this?

Have I been bad?

Am I being punished?

He's smart enough to stay away from this topic. I always thought he was smarter than me, maybe that's my mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be swimming in this sea that I may not get out of once I go far enough, he'd probably let me drown anyway. I guess.

I placed my book on the chair after I stood up, then I started walking through our garden, hoping the smell of tulips would snap me back to my old self.

I saw mom from the corner of my eye sitting on our bench underneath the oak tree, once freed from this thought of smelling tulips to forget my dilemmas I decided to look over to her. It appears she'd been watching me since I set foot on her garden.

She motioned me to come and sit with her and being the obedient son that I am, I followed her command and slowly paced towards my inevitable intervention for today.

What could she possibly want?

"How you doing honey?" An odd question, considering I've been thinking of Peter non-stop in my head all day.

"Fine?" I answered unconfidently. Was I fine? Knowing my mom, she'd be all up on me any minute now, like the time I said I was 'fine' when I came home with a bruise on my elbow from some bully that is now gone from my school when I was in third grade.

"Fine." She repeated, clearly doubting my answer.

Silence.

"You know Peter likes you right?" Wait, hold on. Does she... No.

It may be nothing.

"He's a good friend" Let's hope I'm not wrong.

"Oh, he likes you. More than you think" She says, slightly bobbing her head as she stared at the front porch where dad is sitting right now reading an old book, as the sun sets from the horizon.

"Is that your, impression?" I never wanted to be so right so bad until now, but it also made me happy that I was wrong with my feelings. Maybe he is more than a good friend.

"Let's just say that, it's a mom thing" She smiled as she caressed my head and kissed me on the same spot.

It's a mom thing. I smiled at that thought. She should give more of these. She could be my therapist if she kept doing that to me.

I leaned my head on her shoulder trying to hold on to the sweet thought that Peter really did like me more than a friend, even for just a little bit.

So I guess mom does know.

This was a nice little intervention that I had, one of the very few I do not regret having.