Desire | Shawn Mendes

THIRTY TWO

Song of the Chapter: Kola by Damien Jurado

"I will remember you / The way you are right now..."

- j -

I'm the in office of Eric as he reads the column sample I've written. A Letter to my Ex; only he really knows who my ex is. He has a red pencil in his hand as he edits what he needs to, but it's a bit rare of him to do; there's only three corrections as he continues to read. I look out the window and see the view while he finishes up.

After two minutes, Eric clears his throat and I turn to him. "This is excellent. I really love the emotions that you've captured here, I feel like it's something that all of our readers can relate to."

"Thank you." I smile.

"I've already faxed this over to some of the editors at Aliferous and they love it!"

"Wait you did what?"

"Why do you think we wanted you to do a column? Jasmine I believe that you'd be perfect for Aliferous Spain. We put you on columns and you've already got your foot in the door for the job. They're all fans of your writing."

"Wait so what does this mean?" I ask.

"It means no more interviews for you. From now on, you're gonna be our columnist." Eric says. "Congratulations kid."

"Wait, I'm sorry. You want me to be the columnist? What am I supposed to write about? Raisins are the perfect addition to any salad? Isn't there usually a theme?" I ask.

"Mm hm. You get to be a relationship-sex columnist." Eric stands up. He walks over to me and I stand up as we slowly head out his office. "Congrats. First column is due in two weeks. I'll have the mail delivery send you the relationship and sex questions we get in from readers."

And with that, he closes the door and I'm left stunned in the hallway.

"Spain." I whisper under my breath, completely shocked that they want me.

- j -

- A Week Later -

It's a cold day; the Fall weather now kicks in as we enter October. The magazine that ruined how he saw me sits on the coffee table. Although it's underneath two different magazines, it manages to burn through those and taunts me. Read me, Read me... I get up from the couch and head over to the coffee table and grab the magazine. It burns in my palms and I can only bring myself to look at the cover of the magazine.

The Athlete Issue: The Hottest and Sexiest Men of Sports Share Their Sex Tips!!

I look at the men on the cover. Shawn and Jeremy are next to each other. All the men are shirtless; Shawn looks at the camera as he wraps white tape around his knuckles and his boxing gloves are dangled around his neck. My heart sinks as I think about how disgusted he looked at me on the beach. How his voice sounded filled with anger and disgust.

"Don't fucking touch me."
"You're selfish!"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Don't! Jasmine, I said don't fucking touch me!"

I think of how he pushed me as I tried to touch him. Oddly enough, it didn't hurt falling to the ground. What did hurt is how he looked at me fall to the floor, like I was nothing but an object falling to the ground, and continued to walk away to the house.

"You're fucking sick. You're disgusting."
"You only think about yourself! Chicago, and now this?! I would have fucking took care of her!"