Desire | Shawn Mendes

THIRTY THREE

Song of the Chapter: All These Years - Camila Cabello

"And I never prepared / For a moment like that / Yeah suddenly it all came back / It all came back..."

- j -

"I don't know why, but I feel like Mulan." I say to Charlie over the phone. She'd gone back home and I told her about how Shawn came over earlier and we talked it over and now I was ready for dinner.

"Are you about to defeat the Huns?" Charlie replies.

"No! But that's pretty funny." I say. "I'm looking in the mirror and I don't recognize the girl."

"Aw, that's the best part of the film! The song is so good!"

"I know! It's so good! I should watch Mulan tonight. Anyways, Charlie, I'm nervous for tonight." I say.

"Why? What are you feeling?" Charlie replies.

"What if I wrap myself around his finger?" I walk into the bathroom, my heels making noise behind me, and place the phone on the sink while I begin to do my makeup.

"Are you afraid you're gonna do something you'll regret? Like...forgive him?" Charlie asks me.

"Why would I regret that?" I ask.

"I dunno. Do you think you'll regret it?"

"Okay new question: am I wrong for not telling Jeremy I'm having dinner with an ex?"

"You didn't tell him!? Jasmine, that's Relationship 101!" Charlie replies.

"I'm not into Shawn! Not anymore."

"You don't know that for sure."

"I'm sure I'm over him."

"If you're over him why did you keep those flowers he sent you? Because storing them on your roof doesn't sound like over."

"Stop, you know I love flowers!" I defend myself. "Also throwing flowers away is really sad! It's a tragedy."

"Jasmine..." Charlie warns.

"You didn't see the flowers! Charlie, they were so beautiful! Well, they are so beautiful."

"You still kept them!"

"They were his apology! Besides, it's just flowers! Is it so wrong if I take flowers from him?"

"You're slowly opening the door for him to come back into your life." Charlie sighs.

"It's not even like that. It's not." I say as I shake my head.

"Then what is it like? Because you not telling Jeremy about where you're going sounds exactly like it."

"You know what, he's here. I gotta go, I'll call you later about how it went." I say, then hang up.

I focus on my makeup, which was just a pop of highlight, contour, mascara, and some lipstick. I blow a raspberry with my lips as I look at myself in the mirror. "It's just dinner."

That's all it is - dinner. Besides, it's in a public place where nothing can happen. At least, nothing bad can happen. It's not like we're gonna have this big argument in the middle of wherever he's taking us. I let out a deep and shaky exhale as I roll my head around, cracking my neck in the process.

"It's just dinner." I tell myself in the mirror. "Just dinner. Just a talk, maybe a couple of drinks. No! Maybe two - yeah, two is my limit - two drinks and then I come back home." I tell myself. "Alright. See, we're good. I'm good. Todo bien. It's all good."