Desire | Shawn Mendes

TWENTY ONE

Song of the Chapter: I Don't Believe You - P!nk

"It's like the way we fight / The times I've cried..."

- x -

Shawn lets go of my hand in a furious motion and stands up. Every piece of my skin feels hot. My hands are shaking. I feel my heart beating rapidly and it's ready to burst from my chest. The cat is out of the bag. I've unpacked my baggage in front of the right person. Now it's up to him to decide what to do.

"Shawn..." I begin, but I don't know where I'd be going with it.

He places his hand up to silence me and I grow quiet. Shawn looks as if he wants to throw up and he places his hands at his hips while looking down. His head shakes as he tries to grasp the news of our aborted daughter.

Daughter. It's even boggling to just think about it. What would she have looked like? I reach out to touch him but he slaps my hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

"I..." I attempt.

"Don't even try to fucking talk to me." Shawn says as he stands up straight. I cower in my chair and I'm incredibly fearful. I have never seen him this way. Ever. "You're fucking sick!"

I quickly get up from the chair and the items from my lap fall to the sand below me with a thud. "How am I sick?"

"This whole fucking time you led me on..."

"You said I could play with your feelings!"

"That was before I found out you killed what was our daughter!" He shouts at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I didn't kill anything!" I shout back. "So get that fucking thought that abortion is murder out of your mind! It hadn't even developed into anything yet when I had the abortion!"

"Oh, thank you for that biology lesson." Shawn sarcastically, but angrily, says. "Tell me, did you find that out before or after you murdered our kid?"

"Gah! You're so unbelievable!" I say.

"Me? I'm the unbelievable one? Jasmine, you're the one who had an abortion! Without even telling me! You didn't tell me what you did! You allow me to come here and I'm ready to fucking love you with all of my heart and all you did was have me eating out the palm of your hand when you had this secret hidden." He says.

I remain quiet and suddenly he reads me mind.

"No fucking way." He says with a scary chuckle. "Who else knows about it? Hm? Who knew about it this whole time? Your family? Your work? I bet your therapist knows. Does Jeremy know? I bet that was your conversation starter." Shawn walks closer to me and it absolutely frightens me. "Did you flip your hair back" - Shawn pushes my hair behind my shoulders roughly - "and talk about what you did, and called me a fool because I didn't know what you did?"

"No." I tremble. Tears threaten to escape my eyes and it didn't even register in my mind that they had formed.

"Or did you tell Jonah? I mean, you told him about Chicago before you told me." Shawn says with a shrug. I turn my face away from him but he quickly holds my face in his hand and forces me to face him. A tear escapes my eye and slides down to his hand. "Oh no, you don't get to look away. Or cry. You wanna cry about what you did? You're four years too late."