Desire | Shawn Mendes

THIRTY FOUR

Song of the Chapter: Hostage - Billie Eilish

"I don't know what feels true / But this feels right so stay a sec / Yeah you feel right so stay a sec..."

- j -

His lips attack mine and it's what I've wanted. I kiss him back, not once wanting to part from him or from this. The thought of someone pressing the elevator and the doors opening crosses me mind several times, but not for the right reason. It means we would have to stop it abruptly, and I don't want that.

What am I thinking?

You're thinking about how you want this.

I want him?

Yes. You do.

Wait - what about Jeremy?

What about him?

He trusted me.

And? This doesn't mean anything to you.

It's not right.

You're right. Then stop kissing Shawn.

I open my eyes upon the revelation that Shawn's tongue is in my mouth and I quickly break the kiss and pull away from his grip just as the elevator doors open.

"Thank you for tonight," I say in a low voice that's almost a whisper, "but I need to go home."

"Don't leave me." Shawn says as he matches my tone. He takes my hand in his and places it where his heart is. "Please."

"I can't do this to Jeremy. Or Nora. And neither should you." I say.

"Jasmine...please don't leave me." Shawn pleads for me. "Don't leave me."

"I'm going to have to. I am so sorry. This didn't mean anything, this was the drinks." I say as I fix my dress and begin to walk out of the elevator, only for Shawn to tighten his grip on my hand. The doors close and we're in the lift facing each other.

"I'm sorry." I say. "I have to go home."

"You almost let me kiss you before." Shawn says.

"Almost." I repeat.

"What's the difference between then and now?"

"We weren't drunk then."

"A sober kiss is worse than a drunk one. You know that. Liquor only gives you the courage to do something that you've been wanting to do." Shawn says.

I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Shawn, but I need to go."

"Fine. I'll call you a cab. Do you want me to ride with you?" Shawn asks as he takes out his phone.

Say no. Say NO!! You have pepper spray in your purse, you can handle anything.

"As long as nothing happens in the cab ride, I'm fine."

It's safe to say that the realization of what I did has sobered me up a bit, but as we wait for a cab to arrive, we keep our distance back at our table as we drink down as much water as we can. Jeremy should be in the back of me mind, I know that he should, but he isn't.