Desire | Shawn Mendes

SIX

Song of the Chapter: Have Mercy - Eryn Allen Kane

"Tell me, what is is you care for? / Is there even a care at all?"

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Snapping into a quick reality, I get up on my feet and turn to Eric. He has a smirk and wiggles his eyebrows at me. Please tell me this is a joke. Sadly, it's not. I turn around and see that Shawn is now directly besides me and is shaking Eric's hand. Well, this was bound to happen somehow. I'd rather it be now than some other time.

"It's nice to meet you." I say as I stick my hand out to Shawn. I pretend like I don't know him. But there's really no need to pretend. Four years between us have gone by. He's practically a stranger to me once more.

"Likewise, Jasmine." Shawn smiles as he shakes my hand. "I've read your articles. Your writing is truly amazing. I'm so glad that Eric let me have you."

I take back my hand and cross my arms under my chest as I turn to Eric. "So you made me give up cute, southern charm Jeremy Fenn? I believe that you can pay for lunch now."

Eric let's out a laugh and Shawn let's out an uncomfortable chuckle. "Fine. Take Shawn back to your office. Lunch - on me - in twenty."

"Actually, can you take him to my office. I have to use the bathroom." Before anyone can reply, I start to walk out of the room. After closing the door, I begin to speed walk and then jog to the bathroom.

My eyes were brimmed with hot tears and I felt so incredibly stupid for crying. I lock myself into a stall and lean against the rail while silently sobbing as much as I could. I reach into my back pocket and take out my phone, unlock it, and dial Charlie. She was the main one who helped with the breakup.

She felt that she was to blame for the breakup between Shawn and I. About three days after it happened, Charlie called me on the phone and cried. She kept crying, saying how she didn't know he would do this. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think he'd do this! He's not like this! I'm sorry." Charlie helped me as much as she could. She called me every morning and every night and left voicemails. She would send me things in the mail, and told me about her worst heartbreak and how she got over it. Charlie was my rock. She helped me and she was the only one who really healed me.

"Hello?" Charlie answers my call. I sniffle and wipe away my tears. "Jasmine, are you okay?"

"Here's here Charlie." I say into the line. "He's at my work and he requested I write about him and I have to because I just got a promotion and how will I look if I refuse?"

Charlie is completely silent on her line, but I can hear her breathing. "Mother fucker." Her voice is a whisper and I feel so stupid for crying.

"I'm sorry. I feel so stupid for crying." I begin to apologize.

"No, you have every right to cry. Don't be so hard on yourself. How can you not cry in front of the person who said they no longer loved you? Jasmine, I wish I were there, I do. I'm so sorry."

"Charlie. I never told anyone this," I sob a little harder, "but a part of me still loved him. And I hate it. I hated that part of me for still loving him. I should hate him. I do hate him. But there's still a little love. I don't want to feel that."

"You don't want to feel hatred, either. You can't let hatred in your heart. Not even for a second. You can never hate anyone, you said so yourself. Maybe that's why you're feeling like this."