Desire | Shawn Mendes

ONE

Song of the Chapter: I Have Questions - Camila Cabello

"Why did you leave me here to burn? / I'm way too young to be hurt."

- FOUR YEARS LATER -

"I know that this is the question that you've been avoiding, and it's completely up to you to answer or not, but I have to ask about the breakup."

"I've avoided this question for so long, and you can only put something to the side before you realize you have to talk about it. But I'm ready to talk to you about it."

"Jumping right into it, how did it feel when he left you?"

"It...it stung. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but for a while, I just remember being completely and totally numb. Almost like a part of me didn't fully register that this breakup happened. It's happened. It's real. And there was nothing I could do about it or even change it. I remember crying so hard that I couldn't speak. My vocal chords were so scratchy and they burned so fucking much and I woke up in the mornings - gross fact - with mucus coming out of my eyes! I cried myself to a frigging eye infection! God, I took it so bad."

"How badly did you take it?"

"I remember drinking for a whole day because I saw him on television. I got up from the couch, walked straight to the kitchen, and opened up a bottle of wine, then vodka. I only drank vodka and wine the whole day. I didn't even eat, so you know how drunk off my ass I must have been." She laughs and her blonde hair falls over her shoulder, only for her to tuck some of it behind her ear. "Peter was on a show and the host asked him about the breakup, and he just had this smug look like he wasn't affected. God, I just wanted to slap him."

"You wanted to slap him?!" I ask, chuckling a bit.

Robin nods her head and purses her lips together. "I wanted to slap him, hold him, kiss him, push him, fight him, make love to him. I felt the whole whirlwind of emotions when he called off the engagement. Love...it's so scary the things it does to you."

A quote for the spread? Hm.

"What was your relationship like? In the four years that you two were together." I reply.

"It was very...just, it was odd. I was Hollywood's Sweetheart, he was the Bad Boy Next Door. We were an odd couple, I'll admit. He was seen as intimidating and I was the sweetheart and I remember when we were spotted together, I got a call from my publicist and she just said one thing over the line, she said, Peter Vale...huh. No one really expected us, that's for sure. But I found myself attracted to him and to the idea of the bad boy and the girl next door. Something about him made me feel captivated with him. He was just so charming and funny and kind, surprising for a bad boy. Friends even told me to stay away from him, apparently they thought he was dangerous with the reputation he had." - Gee, where have I heard this from?

"But in the years that he and I were together, he changed. He became this whole different person and so did I. In a way, we changed each other. Um, I was always very private about this, like I've never told my friends or family this either, but he was my first real anything. He was my first passionate and intense kiss, not some scripted kiss. He was my first boyfriend. My first love. I was a virgin when I met him and he changed that within a month. And with his reputation as this bad boy, I was expecting him to leave. So in the morning I woke up to him being gone. And I just did the biggest sigh ever and walked out of bed, got dressed, and when I walked downstairs, he was in the kitchen making me breakfast."

"You said you both changed each other?" I ask.

"He taught me to take risks in life and to not give a shit about what people think. I was this fragile lump of clay and he was the artist who molded me into the woman that I am today. And I know I'm going to get backlash by feminist because I identify as a feminist and I shouldn't have let this man mold me into the woman I am, but, without him, I don't think I could ever learn to be confident and strong. I taught him how to be soft and gentle. He always had his guard up and was so defensive. He once hit me by accident. I remember watching him just drop down all his walls and let go of his guard as he watched me bleeding from my nose. Peter became this different person and he became to gentle and learned to smell the roses. It's sad that something terrible had to happen to me for that to happen to him, but hey, it happened."