Carte Reviews (Closed)

KAT: Our Fate

Reviewed by CaliKat000

Author: SaiyamKhaneja
Title: Our Fate
Genre: Teen Fiction

Cover: 1/5

Your cover shows little kids. In the description (blurb) you say they are both teenagers. Your cover gives a mixed message. I think you shoush change it.

Blurb: 1/5

In the blurb I think you should explain the a relation that has the potential to build and how they help each other get through life. The description of the two characters isn’t that necessary. You can explain their school background when they get paired up.

Title: 2/5

I get why you chose the title you did but I don’t think if fits very well. I would have gone with something that the main character sees that changes their mind and sets their life on a new path. Like, ‘The day I -so ‘n’ so- saved my life’ or something along those lines.

Plot: 4/10

Your take on a kid wanting to take their own life when they aren’t that old is a challenging story to write. Trust me I have a bully story myself. They way you progress the story makes it sound nothing like what a kid that age would do. They run away, call the cops, find somewhere safe to, fight back, they do anything.

Character Development: 6/15

Your character development isn’t as poor as the other attributes in you story. You build the characters background well but when you are writing about a serious topic like suicide you need to do some research. Suicide is different for everyone and the way you portray a person dealing with that kind of family is very over dramaticized. Also, you should state how old the character is, either by telling his height or what grade he is in. I didn’t know how old the character was for a majority of the story.  

Spelling and Grammar: 2/10

Your sentence fluency need a lot of work. You start sentences and then don’t finish them. I suggest having someone help you with proofreading your work.

The flow of your story is restricted by the sentence fluency so it’s like our story is stuck but you keep writing. Spell check on a computer is useful too. I use grammarly to help me learn where commas go and to see if I have and run on sentences.

Also, while reading I was getting confused when you would state the gender, because in the same sentence, when your writing about the MC, you would say ‘her’ then ‘he’. I suggest fixing that.

When you punctuate don’t put a period after a ‘?’ or ‘!’ or any other symbol like that. Those symbols tell the reader you ended that sentence already.

You also need to use the spacebar! After any mark of ending punctuation click the spacebar! People don’t want to read you story if all the sentences are put together in a big blob. you switch tenses a lot too. I suggest looking up 1st person, 2nd person and 3rd person writing tenses.

Overall: 3/10

I didn’t really like your story only because I don’t think you really know what you’re talking about when your writing. You really have to feel the topic of your story when you choose to commit to it.  

Other Comments:

Write about something you like. For me, I like writing stories about magic powers. So, I started my book Minor Abilities. It also helps to write with a friend or just having someone to motivate you to write. It’s also good to have someone proofread your work.

KAT <3