Carte Reviews (Closed)

Juliette: Elemorts

Reviewed by Key Keeper Juliette Dragonrat703

Author: Muaaz-ics
Book Title: Elemorts
Genre: Science Fiction

Title 5/5

Perfectly gives the tone of the story. It has a very superhero-esque feel and builds up the right expectations for what the story will be like. Excellent job.

Cover 2/5

The cover doesn't fit with the tone of the story very well, although it does have a very nice, clean apperance. The tone of the city image makes it look less like science fiction and more like typical realistic and urban fiction. The font also looks much too sleek and business-like. Putting in more recognizably science fiction elements (like the powers the characters use in the story), will make it easier for readers to understand this is science fiction.

Blurb 4/5

It's very good except for slightly awkward phrasing. "Once on Karomoz, their fates get intertwined" could be changed to "Once on Karomoz, their fates become intertwined." Otherwise, it gives readers just a taste of the story to come and invites them in to read more. When I read the blurb, it made me very excited to read the story.

Plot 9/10

Your plot has many subplots that I expect will tie into the main plot at some point. You weave worldbuilding into the plot very well and I didn't have trouble understanding anything. The combination of thriller-superhero-science fiction works very nicely, and the plot is extremely original. I quite enjoyed it, and you have a great way of building up the mystery. Good job.

Character development 12/15

The characters are all unique and have very definite personalities. You have several points of view, but all are distinguisable and I was never confused. They are all likeable (even the antagonists), and I found myself attached to them almost immediately. However, on several occasions you explained the characters' personalities instead of allowing readers to infer their personalities based on their dialogue and actions. Try to never state, just for example, "She was a very sweet person," and instead have her do something sweet without having to point it out in the narrative. Also, killing your friend is a very traumatic experience, and it seemed like Jayrock was able to get past it much too quickly, even though you did mention nightmares. It is very unlikely that he wouldn't have some kind of disorder or psychological damage from the experience, and researching these and incorporating them into the story would make his character more realistic.

Spelling and grammar 9/10

Extremely minimal grammar mistakes. Reading the sentences out loud will help you catch the mistakes you did make.

Other comments:

Several times you outright stated information into the narrative which sounded a bit awkard. One notable example was "She was in the lab at the headquarters of Ninvez Pharmaceuticals." It sounded a bit jarring and awkward, and figuring out ways to convey this more tactifully might be worthwhile. For example, having her reflect on her work here, or having it mentioned in a conversation. Also, sometimes your descriptions of your characters' outfits and apperance is excessive and can get annoying. Try to let readers imagine what characters are wearing for themselves instead of having a paragraph on their clothes. Otherwise, I quite enjoyed this story and I think it's well on its way to becoming an excellent sci-fi.

Love Juliette