seventeen months later...
"i don't think i can do this," michael says staring at the bedroom door. to be honest, i don't think i can do this either. no one has touched ashton's room, let alone looked at it since that day. it hurt so much walking past it that two months after ashton's death, i had to move out and find an apartment. my chest hurts just by thinking about walking inside, but we have to tackle it. the movers are arriving soon to transfer michael and ashton's things to michael's new house.
"it's okay," i tell him, "come on, i'll open it for you."
he nods and steps out of my way. reaching for the golden metallic door knob, makes me feel nauseous. i twist the doorknob and push the door open to ashton's bedroom. cold air hits my body causing tears to prick at my eyes. something inside me wishes that michael could've turned the heater on then maybe the thought of how much ashton hated cold temperatures wouldn't hurt so much.
"well," i breathe, just realizing that i was holding my breath. looking over at michael, i can tell we're feeling the same thing, but i know he feels it ten times worse. stepping inside of ashton's room is like reliving the bad memory of last year all over again. my head feels lighter with each footstep, "i'll start with his closet and you start over at the desk."
"o-okay," michael says before setting down his empty cardboard box on ashton's bed and slowly approaching his desk like something will jump out at him. i walk over to ashton's two-door closet and pull it open to mostly black, white, and grey tee shirts and jeans that seem identical to each other. my hand runs over his black jacket with a grey hood and sleeves. it's the same jacket he wore when he protected me from niall. with a shaky hand, i tug it out of the closet as tears fall from my eyes at the scent of his cologne. i bring the jacket to my chest and squeeze it as if it were him. i wish it was so everything would stop hurting.
my head feels fuzzy pulling on his jacket. the grey sleeves hang off my arms causing michael to chuckle. i turn to michael, laughing with tears falling down my cheeks, "i miss him so much it hurts,"
"me, too," michael turns away and stares blankly at ashton's desk, "i miss his stupid jokes and how awkward he was... he always has this look like he's going into labor whenever he's around new people."
the two of us burst out laughing, "he's the most original person i've met."
michael laughs and pauses before saying, "do you think ash is happier now?"
"yeah..." we sit in a silence before michael goes back to packing up everything on ashton's desk. my heart beat quickens at the sight of the xx coexist vinyl record box set.
"can i see that?" the sleeves of ashton's jacket flail around as i sprint over to michael. he curiously eyes the box set before handing it over to me. this must be what ashton was talking about in his video. i've watched it so many times that every word, tear, everything of that video is etched into my mind.
my face burns, opening the box and looking at the vinyl records inside. my eyebrows furrow seeing ashton's messy handwriting on the album cover. i pull it out and scan my eyes over the print.
elle,
ever since i first laid eyes on you, i was intrigued by you. even though my existence wasn't known to you yet, the thought of you made my heart beat quicken and my nights restless. for the first time in forever, i was excited waking up so i could get a glimpse of you at the train station. whenever people talked about love and said their heart skipped a beat, i thought it was all bullshit, but when your beautiful brown eyes noticed me that morning for the first time i knew that i had officially fallen for you. no one understands how much love i have for you, not even myself. i love you so much that it hurts. i want to be the one you wake up to every morning, i want to be the one that always brings a smile on your face when i seep through your mind, i want to be the one who wipes your tears and presses soft kisses on your face when you're upset, i want to be the one you're dying to be around when we're away from each other. i want you so bad. i need to have you and this is kind of a stupid way of saying that my whole entire life i've been finding that other puzzle piece and i'm convinced that i'm incomplete without you.
sincerely,
ash. xx
p.s. sweet dreams, babe xx
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A/N: IF ANYONE'S INTERESTED IN ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE STORY LIKE HOW I FELT WRITING IT OR ABOUT THE CHARACTERS OR WHAT HAPPENS AFTER, ETC. YEAH, YOU SHOULD DO THAT BECAUSE I'D LOVE TO WRITE A CHAPTER ANSWERING QUESTIONS!! so pls.
a massive thank you to everyone who has read and supported this story. i love every single one of you. asdfghjkl; thanks to my best friend kadee @KadeeStyles who read over all my chapters and listened to me talk about this story 24/7. thanks to everyone! -bows as credits roll in-
