Change [Ricci Rivero, Completed]

Kabanata XXXVI

"Alam nyo, hindi kayo pwedeng malasing ng magkasama. Baka gustuhin niyong magbalikan kayo kung nagkataon." sabi ni Brent nung nagising ulit ako. "Sana nga ganun eh. Magdilang anghel ka, Brent Paraiso." sabi ko sa kanya at he chuckled. I saw all of them whisper beneath their breaths na 'she's drunk', 'patulugin niyo na yan', 'you don't know Alex when she's tigang'.

"Alex, you should rest. You're drunk. You don't drink this much." pamimilit ni Ricci sakin but I won't move a muscle. "Then what if I'm drunk? What if I get drunk? What is it to you?" singhal ko sa kanya at hindi siya pinansin kahit hinihigit na niya ako. "You have to rest. Matindi kang maghahangover, please Alex."

"Do you mean I have to get my shit together?" mataray kong sagot. "Yes, get your shit together, Alex. Sasakit ulo mo mamayang umaga." stiff niyang sagot na ngayon ko lang narinig from him. "Then let me get drunk tonight. Baka paggising ko bukas, okay na lahat. Maybe I'll get my shit back together. Kyng sumakit man ang ulo ko, kasalanan ko yon, ginusto ko at some point kaya titiisin ko." singhal ko sa kanilang lahat kahit umiikot na ang paningin ko. "Wag niyo nga akong panggigilan, kausapin niyo ako ng ayos. Hindi na ako lasing, I'm sober." sabi ko sa kanila defensively and rolled my eyes at everyone.

"Alex, listen to Ricci. You're not in your right mind---"

"Jean, do you love Ricci?" I blurted out straightforwardly. Di siya nakaimik kaagad. "Ikaw, Cci? Mahal mo si Jean?" I asked and natahimik lahat. Hindi sila nakaimik kaagad at nagtinginan lang sa isa't isa. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko kasi finally, nakuha ko na ang sagot sa tanong na matagal ko nang gustong malaman. "Nice answers." sabi ko sarcastically at inagaw ang baso na hawak ni Aljun. Hinayaan niya ako na inumin yon at nawari ko na hindi siya alcohol, kundi tubig.

"Mahulas ka na. Magsisisi ka bukas." sabi ni Aljun sakin at pinalaklak sakin ang tubig. "Di ako magsisisi, nasa wisyo ako." pagpupumilit ko pa at tumayo na. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko pupunta pero nagdirediretso lang ako at hindi sila pinansin na tinatawag ako.

Dumiretso ako sa shore at naupo sa break water na nandun. Tumungo ako at nireplay ang mga segundong nagtinginan sila ni Jean. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit anong gawin ko, kahit anong tapang ko kapag nakakainom ako, when it comes to this and I finally get answers from Ricci and his new girl, rumurupok ako at nadudurog ulit.

"Alex, do you want to talk?" sambit bigla ng lalaking sinundan ako dito. "Would you want to talk about it, 'lex?" he asks again. "We're here, Alex. You can talk to us.." natunugan kong si Jean yon, then most probably the guy's Ricci. "Jean, ako na bahala. Ako na dito." sabi ni Ricci and Jean agreed as she left.

Umupo si Ricci sa tabi ko and watched the shore with me. It was all so silent. Walang umiimik, only the sound of the waves from the sea ang naririnig. "Alex, please talk to me." pamimilit ni Ricci.

Tiningnan ko siya and my eyes were still puffy as I was continuously crying habang katabi ko siya. He looked at me too and he looked so down. He looked so shattered and looks like he just want this all to end. "Alam mo ba ang ginagawa mo sakin everytime I see you?" sambit niya sakin like he was about to cry. "Hindi madali, Alex. Kapag umiiyak ka, nahihirapan ako kasi wala akong magawa."

Lalo akong umiyak habang nakatingin sa kanya. Tinawanan ko siya at sinabihan "Lasing ka. Anuna. Puro tayo mga lasing. Itigil na nga natin 'to, mamamatay tayo ng maaga!" How I wish pwede na akong tumigil ng pagiyak pero hindi tumigil ang luha na umagos mula sa mata ko. "Pero gusto ko, pag namatay ako sa alak, kasama parin kita, yieeeee!" Nakuha ko pang magbiro at tumawa ng malakas pero in the end, umiyak nanaman ako.

"Look what you've done to me. I'm such an emotional wreck, Ricci Paolo." sabi ko sa kanya. "I know, I'm sorry." sambit niya and wiped my tears. "You're drunk. Ikaw ang lasing." asar ko sa kanya. "Why'd you have to leave so soon? Akala mo ba, madali ha? Andun na 'ko eh, andun na", gigil ko sa kanya ng sobra. "It was so sudden, Ricci. Ni hindi ako umimik at wala kang narinig sakin when you drifted away but.."

Hindi ako makaimik ng ayos. Words won't come out of my mouth. "I hate you for being able to break my heart kahit sabi ko, wala akong hahayaang gawin yon. I hate you."

"I understand. I understand." he says as he tries to stop making me cry. "You're too drunk, Alex. Please, stop crying." sabi niya sakin. "I'm drunk, but I know I love you, Cci." I smirked at him and he smiled to. I turned away at humikbi pa. Di ko alam kung bakit, pero iyak na iyak ako at this moment. Walang tigil.

"I hate that I feel so bad seeing you with your new girl. I hate that I let you pass, I hate that I'm still hurting, I hate that I feel bad when I see you happy. I hate it when I still feel pain whenever I see you kahit its been months since we drifted apart. I hate that I'd have to hide from you, I hate it that I can't be me anymore when you're around. I'm not used to that shit. I hate it so much." sunod sunod ko sabi at humikbi na ako ng medyo malakas. I saw him crying too— I knew I'm too weak for this. I wiped his tears aways as he was crying ever so softly.

"I hate that I love you still, up until now, at this moment, kahit wala na akong magagawa para bumalik ka sakin." sabi ko na tumitinis na yung boses. I looked at him and he smiled at me when I did the same.

"Ayaw mo na ba sakin?" tanong ko bigla. Nung tinamaan ako ng realization na wala na ako sa wisyo, napabawi ako at nag cover ng mouth. "Shit. Sorry, alcohol talking. You don't need to answer it."

"But it was half meant, right?" he asked. I bit my lip at napatawa sa stupidity ng tanong ko. "Tangina, wag mo na isipin. Baka maghintay ako ng sagot."

He laughed again and wiped my tears. Himalang tumigil ang luha ko at hindi na ako umiiyak. Natawa siya tiningnan ako habang nakarest ang ulo niya sa arms niyang nakapatong sa tuhod niya. "Hindi naman nawala, Alex eh. Never naman nawala."

"You're drunk. Tama na 'to. Sobrang gandang panaginip naman nito. Na0aka imposibleng maging totoo. Pero sana totoo noh?" sabi ko at umubob. Nagsimula nang umikot ang tingin ko at nahilo na ulit.

"I'm drunk too, but I also know that I love you. Maalala kaya natin 'to pareho bukas?" sambit ni Ricci at sumandal sa likod ko. Our hearts were calmed by the waves and watched by the stars.

Deep inside me, I'm hoping this lasts forever pero if tomorrow morning all of this is non existent anymore, then atleast we had this night. Natatakot akong makalimutan namin tong lahat pero atleast, we had this. Thank God for alcohol for it made us speak up our minds and say what we feel, even just for tonight.