Infinity Ring (Legolas Love Story)

17. Facing My Own Demons

[Author's Note: If you see this, it means I put link to music that helps me into mood as I write this chapter. Feel free to listen to them as you read on. Let me know what you think! Happy Reading]

***

Flashes of the memories flooded my vision. It had become too much, consuming. I didn't have it in me to pull myself away from the images before my eyes.

A pair of strong, big arms eventually pulled me back from the mirror. I stumbled back and felt my feet gave up beneath me. I met Haldir's concerned eyes. They were flickering between me and Lady Galadriel in alarm.

I followed his gaze at Lady Galadriel and was startled with what I saw. The impossibly beautiful elf was now on the floor with her husband, Lord Celeborn, kneeling beside and had his arms protectively around her as he spoke comfort to her in elvish. Both of their eyes were trained on me, shock and worry were in Lord Celeborn's eyes. For the first time, I saw pain and fear mingled in his wife's blue eyes. The sight only magnified this new feeling I had nestling in my chest. I tore my eyes away from them.

What is this feeling? Why does my heart hurt so much?

My chest felt raw; like I suddenly discovered a sudden gash of wound manifested in my heart. It was painful, too painful–something that I would never ever wish, even on my worst enemy.

My mind began to recall all the vision that I saw in the mirror. Lost memories. It was all too much. My mind was jumbled, scattered all over the place as I tried hard to make sense of it all.

But the harder I tried, the more it didn't make any sense.

Eventually, I rejected the vision in my mind. I rejected the life that I had been having for the past few months in Middle Earth, despite deep down in my heart, I knew everything I saw was the truth. My reality.

But I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. This life I had now, and the life I had then–both didn't make sense.

A gasp left my throat when pain pierced through my heart at the memory that was now imprinted deep within my mind and soul; unbearable. I brought my hand to my chest instinctively in a failed attempt to ease the pain.

Scratch that. It was not just pain. It was something destructive, something demanding and insatiable, crueler than sorrow.

It was agony.

Break my fingers again one hundred times. Hit me like the worthless human being that I was one hundred more times. Kill me again, over and over–I'd take them all and be grateful.

I'd take anything, anything but this pure and raw agony deep in my chest.

Anything than being in this world. Anything than existing.

This is a nightmare. I can't be here. This is impossible. This isn't real. I belong in Washington, with my family, not in a fantasy land!

Realizing where I was and the denial that came with it, I jerked away harshly from the elf's hold on my shoulder and backed away. Using my hands to support me, I crawled backwards on the ground, away from Haldir.

My eyes finally took in the look that Haldir, Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn had. The three elves stared at me with concern and wariness etched on their impossibly beautiful faces.

I had to get away from them. They weren't real. None of the way they look was normal or humanly possible. The fact that those creatures actually stood before my eyes, flesh and blood staring me in the eyes, frightened me to no end. I thought I was going mad.