In The Arms Of An Angel (ON HOLD)

CHAPTER 61

"Is there any event in your life that may have triggered these episodes of depression?" He asked casually.

She froze. Literally cold from head to toes. 

"OMG! Bilisang mag-isip ng isasagot! May nalalaman ka pang 'its totally fine'. Ano ka ngayon?! Magsabi ka na kasi ng totoo! Pero siguradong iisipin nya na baliw ka! Ano nah?!!!" She was panicking big time and its not helping that he is staring at her like he is reading every word running through her head in a neon LED screen on her face. She alternated from looking at his face and her hands, praying for divine intervention.

"Are you okay, Dei? Is it too soon to talk about it? If you are not ready yet it's perfectly fine. But trying to talk about it with someone you trust can also help you feel a lot better..." He offered in a very sweet voice that she felt guiltier than ever. She looked down again at her hands that were tightly clasped on her lap. She is trying to calm herself down.

"Dei, do you trust me?" He asked softly.

"Huh?" She is still struggling with her internal debate that his question almost evaded her completely.

He faced her and gently reached out for both her hands and squeezed them reassuringly. She chewed on her lower lip nervously.

"I asked you if you trust me? Mas madali kasing magkwento if you trust the person na pinagsasabihan mo. I'm here to help not just as a Psychologist but as a person who can be your friend. You know that, right?" He asked her with a sincere, be-dimpled smile.

"Ayan na naman yang ga-Marianas trench mong dimple! Naguguilty tuloy ako lalo. Paano ko ba sasabihin syo na hindi ko kailangang magsinungaling? Ano ba itong pinasok mong gulo, Dei?!" She internally laments as he held her hands. She can feel him lightly massaging her palms with his thumbs in a soothing, circular motion. It somehow eased her mental tension but another kind of tension seemed to have replaced it. Her cheeks felt like they are on fire.

"R-RJ?" She started to say but her words were interrupted when he suddenly pulled her closer and embraced her tenderly.

"Dei, I don't know what you went through for you to have these mix of emotions that I can detect in you but I want you to know that I'm here. I'm here now. Alam ko sandali pa lang tayo nagkakakilala at baka hindi mo pa ako lubos na pinagkakatiwalaan but I'm here for you..." He whispered to her near her ears as he continue to embrace her. She tensed up. But a moment later her arms moved on their own to return the embrace, savoring the comfort it brought her.

She was the first to disentangle herself from him a few seconds later though, feeling self conscious. And he let her move slightly away but he grabbed her right hand both of his again and held it.

She looked into his eyes gauging his possible reaction to what she is going to tell him. She only saw sincere concern there but she is still hesitant. After all, what she is going to reveal may change his perception of her forever.

"RJ, you asked me if I trust you...the fact is I do. I feel that I can trust you even if we don't know each other that well yet. But I'm not sure how to tell you kasi ako rin di sure kung ano at paano yun nangyari..." She started telling him.

"Go ahead. I'm willing to listen and I promise not to judge you for whatever it is you want to tell me." He immediately said. She looked at him with raised eyebrows for he seemed so sure of his statement.

"I mean what I said. I can read your emotions, Dei. I may not know exactly what you are thinking but I can interpret your emotions. You have very expressive eyes so its relatively easy for me to do so. Right now you are showing a mix of fear, doubt and confusion. But I can tell that fear is the more dominant emotion and that saddens me to realize that you are afraid to tell me things..." He confessed in a low voice. She immediately straightened up and put her left hand on top of his, trying to assure him somehow.

"I'm sorry..." She answered awkwardly.

"You don't have to apologize kasi naiintindihan ko. You are a very private person, an introvert. You don't warm up to people easily maybe that's why you love photography because you can tell stories through your photos and not have to talk much to people to convey your message." He said and she was surprised. His observations were on point.

"Parang mas nakakatakot yung sinabi mo about me kesa sa pag-oopen up ko syo ng issues ko. I feel somewhat exposed but at the same time happy that someone bothered to even try to decipher who I really am. Although syempre trabaho mo yun as a Psychologist so..." She blabbered on. She stopped only when she felt him squeeze her hand gently again to get her wandering attention.

"Dei, I'm here now more as a friend than a psychologist. I want to help you because I am a friend. It's not healthy to be keeping all these strong emotions bottled inside you. You need to address them so you can be happier." He explained.

"RJ, believe me. Gustong-gusto kong sabihin syo kaya lang di ako sure kung maiintindihan mo kasi di ko kayang ipaliwanag ng maayos kung sakali. Ang gulo..." She answered back.

He smiled encouragingly at her.

"You know what? Maybe I can tell you something weird about me so you will know that you can share anything with me and I won't judge you for it. Mangako ka lang na di mo din ako ijujudge agad sa ikukwento ko." He offered. She smiled.

"Okay, I promise." She answered. He let go of her hands and sat straighter before talking.

"Well, one thing I want to share with you is that I also have my own share of demons that I struggle with everyday. I lost a lot of people I care about deeply years ago. I used to have nightmares almost every night about it that I have to really exhaust myself the whole day just to be able to sleep soundly at night. But since I met you, they seemed to lessen. Lately what I have are dreams of us talking...walking around a forest clearing...you laughing heartily at my lame jokes...alam mo yun...and ang pakiramdam ko parang totoong nangyari kasi I felt so alive and happy when I wake up from these dreams...I like how your mere presence even in my dreams made me feel positive things again, Dei. Parang bumalik ulit sa normal ang buhay ko." He said earnestly.

For the second time that night, Dei froze. She can't believe he just gave her the perfect opportunity and cue to tell him the truth.

"Naaalala na kaya nya ang lahat ng nangyari sa amin dati? Pero impossible...pero baka matanggap naman nya...basta bahala na!" She inwardly debated again. He on the other hand looked really worried though when their eyes meet.

"Dei, please say something..." He practically begged.
She swallowed the lump on her throat, squared her shoulders and forged on before she loses her resolve. She moved a bit closer and mimicked his action from a qwhile ago...she held his hand.

"RJ, wag kang mabibigla. ha. Pero what if I tell you that those things you saw in your dreams are somewhat real?" She slowly asked him.

Now it's his turn to be stupefied.